My Tiny Freak-Out

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Last night I sat in a tiny chair in Coco’s classroom with a bunch of other adults and listened to her teachers explain what their preschool is all about. Maybe it was the sight of full grown adults in teeny chairs, I don’t know. Something came over me. Something akin to a silent freak-out.

We’re almost a month into her school and I’ve been all flippant and cavalier about this whole thing.

“Yay! Me time!”

“Yay! Someone is teaching her stuff!”

“Yay! She’s tired at the end of the day!”

You see, I was mostly excited about getting to slacken the tight rope of responsibility around my neck. Now I’m all, “Hold up. Isn’t she still a baby? Where did the time go? And can we go back for a bit, this is all a little too sudden for me.”

I realize I’m about a month late on this freak out. Everybody else got it out of their system at the appropriate time: the first day of school. You all took pictures of your kids and gushed about how your baby is growing up.

And I kind of snorted and scoffed. Cause I was just all happy-go-lucky about this school thing.

Now look who’s laughing. Actually, I don’t know who’s laughing. I just know I’m not. WAAAAAA!!!!!

The other day she told me that white is not a color, tiger’s have stripes to better hide in the grass, and thanked me for “reminding” her to clean her room. All the while I just stood there and took it like I would if a unicorn suddenly jumped out of my kitchen sink.

I just don’t know if I’m ready to be the mom that has to go to parent-teacher meetings. I don’t know that I can sit in a tiny chair with a bunch of other adults and listen to someone else talk about my kid. I don’t know that I’m ready to let go of that rope.

Too late, Hillary. The ship sailed and you better get with the program. The tiny chairs make you look taller. Like you have long legs, so that’s something.

As I sat there in that chair I observed her entire classroom from the perspective of a 3 foot tall person. It’s a pretty legit classroom. There was one thing that kept catching my eye–this big bulletin board of cut-out people with googly eyes. I gathered it was all the kids in the two classes that meet in her room.

When the meeting was over I got up to see what this board was all about. I’m so glad I did.

Apparently the kids had decorated their little “person” and wrote down a thank you prayer. This was Coco’s.

For some reason, she chose to forgo the googly eyes for buttons, making this look like a voodoo doll. Kinda creepy.

“Thank you God for my brother.” This made my mommy go pitter-patter-boing! I felt better. Like, maybe they’ve got her for a few hours a day, but I did that. I helped foster this love for her brother and seeing them reunite every day is always a pat-on-the-back for me.

 Chaucer charges into the classroom and Coco greets him with a big hug and “Hi’ya Buddy!” Of course they’re fighting by the time we get to the car, but still.

These little guys love each other and it has nothing to do with Coco’s school or how much Chaucer watches Barney. It’s part of what I did as a mom (so far) and what Matt did as a dad, and what God’s done in our family. No, we don’t have it all together, we never will. But I have two kids that love each other, and this makes a mommy’s heart swell and her uterus clap.

She’s growing up, but it’s gonna be ok. I think.

11 thoughts on “My Tiny Freak-Out

  1. hilljean

    I had to ask Coco about five times to give me a kiss goodbye the other day. So we’re not far from that point either. What is happening??

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  2. hilljean

    Hahah! Thanks! Yah, the buttons give it a nice folksy charm, right?

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  3. hilljean

    Love Coco’s charming art. Googly eyes are overrated. So wonderful that she loves her little brother and considering him a gift. Stopping by from SITS.

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  4. hilljean

    If it makes you feel better, I had a smallish delayed freak-out this morning, too…of the Oh-My-Word-The-Twins-Are-In-Middle-School variety. And I wish I could say that it gets better as they get older. As far as the freak-outs go? It doesn’t. ps – Hooray for your uterus and those two darlings who do so obviously love one another to death.

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  5. hilljean

    I know. These are great reminders for me to just enjoy!

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  6. hilljean

    {Kathy} I agree with The Spin Cycle!! This is just the first of these Tiny Freak Outs…..they come out of nowhere too. First soccer game, first time she doesn’t kiss you when you drop her off (make her anyway), first time they make their own breakfast……it’s bizarre, but great.

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  7. hilljean

    My little girl didn’t even tell me bye Thursday, when I dropped her off at preschool. Not a hug or kiss or anything! Just walked on in like she owned the place and she didn’t need me! Waaaah!!

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  8. hilljean

    Baby-time is so brief, isn’t it? But we don’t realize it till it’s over… when you’re in the day-to-day mundane chores of diapers and snotty noses it feels like forever. It’s not. But…. the good news is she’s turning into a beautiful little girl and I love to see how she loves her brother:) That’s the best!!

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  9. hilljean

    Thank you so very much for taking the time to read and comment on my post so I could follow you back here and read this. *Sniff* This is absolutely beautiful. I don’t yet have children of my own, but I imagine that this is one of those moments in life where you step back and realize what a wonderful job you are doing as a parent. Your children are absolutely beautiful and you should feel so incredibly proud of your daughter’s sweet sentiments on her classroom cut-out voodoo doll ????

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  10. hilljean

    This post brought me back to the feelings I had when my oldest (now 18) started Preschool.

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  11. hilljean

    You betcha! And thanks for your sweet words ???? My mommy’s heart was very proud indeed.

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