So, hey. I made it through a month of dieting.
January was my Crucible.
It was rough. But I had a partner–Matt starved alongside me. We’re still on this annoying journey to lose weight and revolutionize our “lifestyle” but I feel like the biggest hump has been managed.
The only problem is, I fear we have become little diet-holics. Like, we’re weird people who live and breathe our diets and if anyone were to overhear us for a day they would head for the hills.
To be a fly on the wall.
A fly on the wall in our apartment would fall down dead with boredom.
Yah. We could kill a whole fleet of flies with our conversations.
It’s one thing to have a partner in crime. It’s another to involve everyone you come in contact with in your annoying scheme.
I don’t want us to become diet pariahs. We just don’t have enough friends to risk alienating ourselves.
So. I’ve made a list of taboo conversation starters…or fillers..depending on the circumstance. Therefore, if you find yourself in the middle of a diet or “lifestyle change,” you might want to refer to this list while you’re being “social.” You don’t want to turn off anyone, or kill future friendships.
Just look at the Crossfit cult, I mean community. Their only friends are other cross fitters. Why? Because no one else can stand to listen to their constant jabber about all things Crossfit. Also, just cross-list Crossfit with Paleo (you can read this post for a breakdown on THAT cute little world).
So here you go.
Things you don’t want to say while you’re on a diet:
1.) I’ve only had 1200 calories today!
I don’t care.
2.) Did you know I burned 386 calories on the treadmill?
Really? You stopped at 386? Huh. That number would have bugged me.
3.) Man! I’m really going to have to “work off” that cheeseburger. Cardio, anyone?
Since when did a cheeseburger become work? Stop ruining my food!
4.) After I poop I’ll be, like, a half pound thinner…so…
No. Just. NO.
5.) I’m just trying to eat clean.
No one asked, and, I assume you’re judging me for my “dirty” food now.
6.) Did you know you can have 13 almonds for 85 calories?
Your life is so very sad.
7.) I actually prefer to eat this way.
8.) Oh, I’m stuffed. Yah, that oven-roasted chicken breast and dollop of Greek yogurt just really hit the spot. I couldn’t possibly have anything else to eat.
What was that? I couldn’t hear you over the glorious noise of my nachos crunching inside my mouth.
9.) Is this paleo?
That does it. LEAVE!
10.) Have you heard of Crossfit?
Yah. I hear ya. I know how hard it is to stay on the bandwagon (I’ve fallen off a few times or more) but really? Don’t make innocents suffer alongside you. They didn’t sign up for whatever annoying diet you’re on so don’t make them feel like they need to pay penance with you.
Fact: the most annoying people to hang out with are those who are on a diet. And this is coming from someone who is on a diet.
How about you? Anything else you want to add to this list?