Throwaway account. My son (13) has recently been showing some very lax hygiene, to the point it was concerning. His overall demeanor has not changed, still his happy-go-lucky self, but he has developed a habit of not cleaning himself properly after pooping. After many discussions, taking away electronics (wasn’t sure if he was just not handling business to get back to games), and having him checked for Crohn’s or IBS after speaking with the Dr and everything coming back normal, she referred us to a therapist.
First appointment was last week and during intake the therapist was asking about family. When she brought up his dad and gf, my son’s demeanor changed. I knew he had had a few blowouts with dad and has started to stay home much more often than he did before 2020, but he just said he liked being home more because I’m off when he’s off from school so it’s easier to arrange stuff with friends and such. We’ve always been much closer than he and his father so I wasn’t too concerned and he knows either myself or my husband will take him to dad’s when he wants to go.
He told the therapist and myself about dads gf and how she “does too much.” When asked to explain what he meant, he told us about an instance where she pushed him to the floor and sat on him, holding him to the floor. He wasn’t sure how to handle that and she refused to get off of him after asking repeatedly. He’s a gentle giant of sorts, stands almost 6′ and about 145 pounds, strong kid that helps one of his coaches doing manual labor during the summer. He said he absolutely could have thrown her off but didn’t want to hurt her because he’s so much bigger so he didn’t fight her back.
He hasn’t said anything else about it, but this story disturbed both me and the therapist. His dad has always had a revolving door of gf’s but this one has managed to stick. They were together for a bit while son was younger and she returned about the time these issues arose a little over a year ago. Dad is a complete narcissist and puts gf on a pedestal so when this is addressed it will cause a massive shit show.
And I am left wondering what else she could have possibly done to my son that I don’t know about and feeling some serious guilt because I was unable to protect him.
I was raped and one of the symptoms was exactly that. My parents didn’t take the psychologist seriously. To this day I’m screwed with it.
Protect him as much as you can now that you know, fight for him against the world, because at that moment he is alone against the world.
I am so sorry you have had to go through that. ❤️
My best friend was molested and raped as a child and she also did this. His positive demeanor all this time is what led me to check for a medical issue first, not to mention that he does have a couple cousins on dad’s side that have Crohn’s and the symptoms fit.
After hearing that story I’m worried she has done something to him. I’ve always made sure throughout my kids’ lives to emphasize telling a trusted adult if something was to happen, but I also know that actually telling is much harder than just knowing you should.
100 % have a heart felt conversation with your son. Do not try to get more info out of him. Just let him know you are on his side and he doesn’t have to visit dad’s house anymore if he chooses not to. Just tell him you are there for him. And will do anything for him.
I am so sorry he is going through this. And now you. Heartbreaking.