My partners parents have been fairly absent from watching or visiting my daughter because we live a 30 min drive from them. His step dad works from home for himself so his hours are flexible and his mom doesn’t work. They have driven out to us a handful of times, my daughter is 9 months old. Recently I decided to make more of an effort to go there because I’m going back to work soon and now that my daughter is more active and mobile they’ve been interacting with her more comfortably.
Today is the first day they’re going to watch her for like an hour and a half so I can grab lunch nearby with my partner.
I wake up to a text from them asking if they can take her to their tennis club for a swim. She is 9 months old. They haven’t watched her since she was 2 months old. We also have a history with them of them not respecting my wishes when it comes to our dog that they used to watch – he would come home and throw up the day after being there because they would let him roam unsupervised in their fenced yard and he would eat bark mulch and other things. We asked them so many times to not let him out there and they refused to believe they were the cause of the issue and just felt that we were being overly dramatic. Even after vet visits.
Anyway, I obviously said no they cannot take my daughter to an outdoor adult pool on one of the hottest days of summer. But it just left a bad taste in my mouth now like I just want to cancel the whole thing. I’m so irritated that they would even ask, it’s the first time they’re watching her in over 6 months!!! I’m just concerned that they don’t appreciate how to safely care for a 9 month old. They have no baby proofing and she’s crawling and pulling to stand. Ugh.
My partner just said no and thinks it’s fine that they asked but to me it just shows how unrealistic they are being about what’s safe and ok for a baby.
If you don’t feel you can trust them to actually abide by your answer, then don’t do it. When there’s trust issues, you would want to start off with supervised visits and not unsupervised.
Also – it is actually better that they asked instead of just assuming it’s ok and doing it.
You husband survived, I’m sure they will do just fine keeping you child well for 90 minutes. Give them the schedule and let them be grandparents how they want to be.
If you don’t how they watch your dog, pay someone to do it or board them. If they don’t have a dog, they might not actually want to watch yours but are trying to help. Pay to board the dog and if you don’t want to pay, don’t go out of town.
If you want them to help, let them do it how they see fit within reason. You might need to relax on what you expect from other people. Seems like they are reasonable people and respected you by asking a question. You have to give them a chance to succeed and if you already have it made up in your mind they won’t do it correct, you will get that result.