Sometimes, the regret is due to the fact that I’m doing a lot more than I want to because I know I have to. I feel that I’m doing the best I can and that I’m handling things ok. Then I’ll notice something about another family, or somebody will say something to me, or I’ll have an issue with my kids I didn’t expect. Then, I feel shitty. Like, I’m doing all this work, I’m struggling, and it’s still not turning out the way it should. So…WTF? I know you shouldn’t compare yourself to others but that’s just human nature. Anyhow, it’s just a thought I had today and decided to share with the masses.
My personal and professional life often feel like this and i don’t even have kids. I’m sorry you feel like this OP, and i hope talking about it helps. Feelings of inadequacy might stem from a deep rooted will of being perfect and matching every single life demand perfectly. And this is inhumane towards yourself. This might be the case especially if you had already had these feelings before. Acknowledging this might not help thinģs on its own, but it might grant you wiggle room to prioritize, and let go of things that, yes, you would like to have instantly done/fixed, but that aren’t urgent/ wont ruin anyone’s life if not taken care of immediately. It’s okay if everything is not clean, if a basket of laundry doesnt get immediately done, if a meal needs to be improved because you didnt go to the grocery story exactly when you projected you needed to. Some things might even get taken care of in unlikely ways that arent occurring to you because you focus so hard on how to plan the way you will take care of them. Cutting of slack is very much necessary and deserved. And it will allow you more patience and mental room to deal with unpleasant surprises. Every person is a person and your way of being is valid without having to be compared to someone else. Best of luck, you sound like you can most definitely do it 🙂
A lot of your sentiments are true. I was always held to high standards and now I have high standards for myself. But I realize that the way I was raised was massively different and I cannot always meet the expectations I have based on my past. It is not something that hounds me every day, for which I’m grateful! It just struck me today and I realize that it happens every once in a while I wanted to share.
I’m in my mid-30s now, and I have to say I spent a long time in my teens and 20s thinking about and focusing on regret. Strangely enough, I felt overwhelmed with regret at times when I was younger.
Now that I’m older, I don’t regret as much in my life. I realize that I usually did the best I could at the time given the circumstances.
I guess I used to focus on small incidents and replay them over in my mind, and regret them. Now, I see my life as a big tapestry. I’ve had so many relationships, jobs, I’ve traveled, lived in different countries, etc…
Overall, I’m happy with the way I’ve lived my life so I don’t spend time focusing on regrets anymore. If anything, I focus on things I want to change now or ways I want to improve my life.
I guess I’ve realized there’s no use crying over spilled milk. There’s not much use spending my time feeling upset and focusing on things that can’t be changed. I just learn what I can from the situation and move on. It’s much nicer not to focus on regret.
I believe regret to be a function of the conscience, although it requires recognition that oneself erred in some way. I think the saying to live without regret is more about not ruminating than not feeling remorse per se, but that’s just my perspective.
certain psychopathologies feel no remorse at all, which is interesting to say the least.