7 Ways To Eat Your Placenta

I’ve had a girl and I’ve had a boy.

I’ve experienced both medicated and unmedicated births.

I’ve nursed and I’ve formula-fed.

Yes, I daresay there are few things  left to be enlightened about in the realm of child birthing.

However, there is one thing I have yet to do. I’ve never eaten my own placenta. Actually, I’ve never eaten anyone’s placenta for that matter.

Up until a year or two ago, my only experience with placenta consumption was from my childhood. Our cat had a litter of kittens in my mom’s closet. I’ll never forget watching Miss Tiger, nestled amongst pumps and penny-loafers, chowing down on her bloody sack. It appeared to be chewy.

After I delivered my first baby, the doctor upheld the delivered placenta like some trophy I’d want to see.

“Ugh! Put it away!” I groaned.

The last thing I wanted to look at was a mutation of pork shoulder and veiny ball-sack. I only wanted to gaze upon my child, and possibly eat an In ‘n’ Out burger.

You can imagine my surprise when I first learned that humans, like cats, can partake of the bloody sack. I learned about it at a dinner table with a former vegetarian. He claimed to have craved his wife’s placenta all throughout her pregnancy. Ultimately, he opted for a cheeseburger.

“Did you eat it?” I asked, not knowing if the cheeseburger would suffice for such a bizarre craving.

He assured me that it was still in the freezer. Situated somewhere between frozen spinach and tofu tamales, and awaiting a fate I did not want to know.

Now that I’m back in the world of all things pregnancy I find myself looking ahead to that nasty trophy. I keep bumping into it. I don’t remember seeing so much about it the first two times.

Just Google “what do with my placenta” and you’ll find the phrase “Waste not, want not” put to a whole new level.

What interested me was the lasagna recipe. I mean, I guess if you’re going to eat it you’ll want to make it as tasty as possible, right?

Now, I haven’t quite decided whether or not we will partake, but just in case we do I’ve come up with a list of ways to incorporate it into our family meals. Waste not, want not.

1.) Placenta Asada Tacos. I believe the best way to serve such a thick cut of meat would be to slice it in half, horizontally, and then pound it. Cooked like a carne asada, and served with cilantro and onions. Mmm mmm. Muy delicioso.

2.) Placenta Stroganoff. My mom has a great stroganoff recipe, so I just plan to interchange the beef cut with my placenta. Garnish with parsley and serve with a salad.

3.) Mother’s Pie. This is a play off the old Shepherd’s Pie. I like mine with ketchup.

4.) Placenta Jerky. Some of us struggle with getting enough protein each day. I think placenta jerky would be perfect for those breastfeeding-moms-on-the-go.

5.) Slow Cooker Placenta Roast. I’d treat this one as you would any old roast. Throw in some carrots and potatoes and you have a winner winner placenta dinner.

6.) Placenta Pizza. Because, why not? Could I have a side of ranch with that?

7.) Placenta Power Smoothie. Some of us might have a hard time “chewing” on what’s been inside us for nine months. But we could probably chug it. Oh yes, chug, chug, chug!

Welp, that’s as far as I’m gonna go with this one. Like I said, I haven’t quite decided if I will dig in or not. Next week–placenta arts and crafts!