Well, at first I didn’t think that this was something I should blog about, but since it has become a major part of my life, I believe I should. I have accepted that this is from the Lord, and I think this little story displays His grace.
Is it better to have one child?
Last Thursday, I was home alone with Coco. Matt was in LA, and since I brilliantly left my cell phone on our flight home from Hawaii, I had no way to communicate with the world except through the internet. Also, he took the car with the car-seat, and the rain was incredible, making me even more isolated. I don’t remember what time it was, but I started bleeding. Sorry, thats gross for any male readers, but I’m pregnant–get over it. It was bad, and I immediately felt like I was losing the baby. I felt like I was on the brink of a death, and it was a horrible sensation. I didn’t know what to do except cry like a child, and pace around the house. I emailed Matt, then got on facebook (thank you facebook!) praying that someone would be online. Amazingly, one of my best friends, Amber, was online. I told her what was going on and if anyone knows Amber, they know she’s a woman of action. She asked a phone number of anyone in Riverside. Since I didn’t have my phone, I started looking through good ol’ fb, and found Laura Moore’s number! I gave it to Amber, a little hesitant of what she would do, and she immediately called Laura and told her to get over here. Fortunately, Amber is someone to listen to, and Laura is a dear dear soul. She left her toddler and newborn with her hubby, and drove thirty minutes in the rain to get to us. Not only that, but she called our pastor, Dr. Mooney, and had him get in touch with Matt.
Laura picked up Coco and me and took us to the hospital to meet Matt (thanks to Dr. Mooney, he knew where to go). She then graciously took Coco to her house so that we could navigate around the ER without that little bundle of trouble ???? I got into the ER pretty quick, and to be quite honest, I felt as if the baby was gone. I’m not one of those sweet souls that has hope in bleak situations. I almost always resort to despair. I was so scared to have the ultrasound reveal emptiness, and to make matters worse, the student ultrasound technicians wouldn’t let me see the screen. They also took an HOUR and kept screwing up their faces in these perturbed expressions, ignoring my own angst. Finally, an actual staff member came in, and showed them how to do it. She then smiled and said, “Oh its so tiny! You’re early!” To which I answered, “You mean there’s still a baby in there??” She winked and nodded her head. I just lay there crying and thanking God. It was such a sweet surprise. Poor Matt wasn’t able to be in the room for that, and so when I came up to him with a smile he looked like someone just took a forty pound brick off his back.
When we finally were able to talk to the doctor, he explained to us that it was a “threatened miscarriage.” He said this doesn’t happen often, and that they do not know why it happens. I went to my doctor the next day who said the same thing, and he tried to simultaneously encourage and caution me. Basically, in his words, I am at risk for miscarriage, but at the same time, there’s a good chance it won’t happen. I spent several long nights wrestling with that combination of fear and hope, and fear almost always won. But now I’m truly (at the moment) at peace. To see the way God orchestrated that day and the way He is taking care of us now is so comforting. I’ve seen God do huge things, and I’ve also seen Him do little things. I guess the only thing I can say is that it is so sweet when He does the little things, like allow Amber to be on facebook, and Laura to drive in the rain, and Dr. Mooney to take us to dinner, and all the sweet friends that have made us meals this week. This baby is so important to us, and God has shown his provision in the little things so much that I cannot resist being at peace.
So, I know this is a long story, and maybe its veers on the lines of being too personal, but this is what God is doing in our lives right now. I am so thankful to still be carrying this child, and I know he or she belongs to the Lord. Its a really good feeling.
I found out in March 2008 that I was pregnant with Coco. On the 10th I underlined these verses and wrote “Baby” by them. I think I will put “Baby #2” by them now:
Psalm 4:7-8 “You have put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and wine abound. In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.”