I Almost Stole A Goat

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Hey Guys! So, if you have a Blogger dashboard you were probably flooded with all of my posts yesterday because I made the big switcheroo to WordPress! I am so excited to finally have a fancy schmancy website, courtesy of Cynthia from NW Designs ???? Now, there is a slight glitch in that the old blog is still up. I guess there’s some magic word that is supposed to make it disappear, but someone changed the word, so the old blog is still up and kicking. But I want you all here, not there.

Now, onto more important things…ahem. Guys? I almost stole a goat last week. Here’s the story.

So last week, Coco went on her first field trip to a pumpkin patch/animal farm. It was all so official with forms, chaperones, and name tags.  I guess this whole growing up business is really happening.

The moment someone’s calling you a chaperone signifies that yep, this is the real deal.

Anywho, besides having my own silent, existential crisis on the hay ride, it was a pretty fun day.

I wanted to go on this trip because well, duh, I was NOT going to miss her first field trip. But the other part of my agenda was to secure a couple pumpkins. Guys, I like the expensive pumpkins. The Cinderella pumpkins. Of course I do. Champagne taste on a beer budget, as Grandma Shirley always said.

Therefore, it’s probably a good thing when I was deterred from my expensive pumpkin shopping extravaganza.

Instead, the agenda became: how can I simultaneously “chaperone” a dozen preschoolers and shoplift a baby goat? I mean, LOOK at this little guy! Look at him!

Adorable little guy

I had it all worked out. My purse was probably big enough.


 We would keep him as a house-pet until he becomes big and obnoxious and attempts to eat toys, tampons, and the stuffing of my favorite chair. While the pellet poop will be tolerable for such a cute widdle baby (he’ll have a diaper, obviously…cloth? Oh, of course) the wild pellets, my carpet, and Buddy’s penchant for eating rocks/dirtclods is all too frightening.

He’ll just have to go away then.

I’ll drop him off right where I found him. One less baby goat for the farm to feed, and a house-trained, cloth-diapered, breastfed goat will be returned within the year.

That’s right. If it’s all good in the hood to breastfeed a four year old in public then by golly I’m gonna nurse my little baby goaty goat. Take that, Time Magazine.

Don’t worry, I didn’t go through with it. I chickened out with the poop. I just can’t handle any more poop in my household. Pellets or no. And yah, goat teeth would destroy me. As in Texas Chainsaw Massacre destroy me. My bosom just cried of its own volition.

Question: do people ever nurse animals? I mean, have you read The Grapes of Wrath? That last scene…the starving man and the lactating woman in the boxcar. It just gives me paws (get it, paws? pause) to wonder if anyone’s ever done that. Fret not. I would never. Ever. But when I looked upon those bite-sized goats something leaped within my womb. Do you think it’s time I have another baby? Can animals give you the baby bug?

Alright, I’m done with this weird one sided conversation. Please answer me in the comments. I’m dying to know I am not alone in this quandary.

So. Needless to say, we didn’t shoplift the goat. We did walk away with a pumpkin…No, not the one I wanted. But this was her pumpkin anyway and I was so distracted by my evil plan that I didn’t even take a second look at the Cinderellas.

Look at how happy she is with that pumpkin. Good thing I didn’t tell her she almost had a pet goat.

Finding the Funny

18 thoughts on “I Almost Stole A Goat

  1. Goatgal

    First, let me start by saying that I completely understand EVERYTHING you wrote about! I am a Pygmy goat rancher (only because I could NOT resist the urge to go home without one when I had the chance 15 years ago). When my husband wanted a vasectomy, he “traded” more children for all the goats I wanted, so I ran with it. I’ve never nursed one (bottle-fed plenty) but to calm you fears, goats don’t have top teeth in the front so just in case you DO end up with one in your purse, it won’t bite hard! Thank you for the good laugh ????

    1. hillary

      Hi Goatgal! You just made my night. If you have any photos you would like me to share I would probably send you cookies in exchange. I am seriously obsessed with these critters now. How fun for you! So you get to be around the sweet little babies all the time?

  2. Kez Seery

    Yep, that goat is to precious.

    Well done for not sticking it in your pocket ????


  3. Lindsey

    You could totally pump and bottle feed! Can’t you imagine?? The goat would be so healthy, and have the shiniest coat. Of course, the poop would be more seedy than pellety, so you’d definitely have to cloth diaper. Great news though… since it’s breast milk, you won’t have to rinse first!

  4. Haley

    He is sooo cute but I am guessing they start early at the eating everything stage. My mum used to compete against a goat at her old house. It would get over the fence and eat her garden, not quite sure why she persisted in planting more plants each time.

  5. Alexa

    OK, first of all that goat is about the cutest thing ever! Second of all, ewww… but I am certain someone has done that at some time. NOT ME!

    Love your blog, lots of fun!!!

    1. hillary

      Hahaha! I know. With all the weirdos out there, you know someone has tried.

  6. Lyza @ Chic Shades of Green

    Girl, I do not blame you, that baby goat is soooo cute! I got a puppy one time, it was sooooo cute, but then my husband made me bring it back :-(.

    1. hillary

      Aww! Sad day! I think I’m gonna go see them again today ???? Maybe I’ll smuggle one out.

  7. Kristiina

    I actually saw something online about a lady who wasn’t able to breastfeed her kids but she was breastfeeding her 9 year old pug. I don’t know how it was possible, I couldn’t get past the headline!

  8. DGMommy (Tamara)

    Ummm.. You. Are. Hilarious! There is nothing left to say, but that I LOVE your blog (well, you!). So cute. Love accidentally discovering new favorites.

  9. Student Mom (Jenn)

    Congratulations on your new blog page!!! Who did the switch for you? How much does the wordpress blog cost annually? etc…

    1. hillary

      Hi Jenn! Cynthia from Nap Warden did it for me. I’ll have to look through my emails to check the costs. If you want more deets you can email me directly at hillybillyjean [at] gmail [dot] com. Moving to wordpress was something I wanted to do for a long time. I’m still quite the newbie but I really like it so far!

  10. Aunt Gloria

    The photo is adorable. What a great memory making time. So glad you resisted the urge to “goat lift”. Stripes would be so boring for a new outfit, however, we could just have the jury read a few of your blogs and get you off on an insanity plea!

    1. hillary

      Haha, Aunt Gloria! What do you think I blog for? It’s totally in case I need to plea insanity ????


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