I’m a drug addict.

By |

addicted to vicodin

I’m a drug addict.

She sat there wailing, weeping as if someone had died. My first instinct was to rush to her and ask how I could help.

But then I remembered where I was.

Slowly, I took her in: around 45 years old, saggy skin, greased back hair, acrylic nails and flashy jewelry.

Track marks on her arms.

Her chains were so much more visible than mine. Her chains have left scars all along her body, rendering her right arm completely useless. She dropped her phone and I realized she had to hold her dead hand with her functioning one to keep it from flopping heavily onto the floor. I quickly jumped up to retrieve her phone.

She was so grateful.

“It’s nothing,” I said.

“You’re so kind, thank you.” She replied.

She oscillated between the horrific sobs to a sort of manic conversationalist–the grieving woman turned chatty Cathy.

I waited quietly for my turn.

How did I get here?

You know how you got here, came the answer.

Finally, I heard my name from an unfamiliar voice. My stomach lurched but I walked all the same.

A kind doctor closed the door of his office and sat at the computer, ready to ask me the questions–the ones I’ve been so scared to answer. The ones I’ve been hiding from everyone, including my dear friends and family. Now, to speak words. My chains.

“I’m addicted to vicodin.” I told him.

The confession invited a torrent of bitter tears.

We went through my health history–the nine foot surgeries, the two hand surgeries, the RA and fibromyalgia–he said it was no wonder I was addicted. That it wasn’t even my fault. I couldn’t come off of it on my own, he explained.

Still, I didn’t believe him.

There was no excuse. I’ve known this has been a problem for over a year. God showed it to me and after multiple failed attempts to quit, I gave up. I told God to go away.

I went into remission for my RA. It was clearly time to go off of the pain meds. But I couldn’t. My miracle was perverted by my own addiction. Here I was–patented as pain free, yet trapped to pain medication.

I hated myself. Is hate the right word? More like despised. I felt those who loved me would not be able to swallow it. It was too despicable. Me, the wife, mom,”honest” blogger a drug addict. No, too shameful to speak.

Darkness. Total darkness was where I was when I finally decided to get help. It started with an appointment with my regular doctor and I told her I had a problem. Told her to please cut me off. She referred me to the Chemical Dependency Rehabilitation Clinic.

And that’s where I found a small, shattered piece of myself, and God, when my own voice submitted to those frightening, terrible words:

I’m addicted.

God met me there with a kindness that astounded me. He picked up the chains and carried my burden. I could taste the freedom, and he promised more.

***

Today is a big deal for me. It’s a great and wonderful thing to be able to share with you all, sweet readers, that I am eight days clean and feel amazing. Not only do I feel physical healing, but I am experiencing spiritual and emotional healing as well. Just a short week ago I cringed at the thought of sharing something so dark with my audience.

But no. It’s not dark anymore. God has blasted it with marvelous light and I see it for what it is: a miracle. It isn’t over yet. This is a process, you see, and the narrative is so much longer than this snippet I’ve shared today. Everything in its time.

I will be sharing every week how I am doing and go more in depth with the ins and outs of my addiction. I hope to maybe help some of you, who surely are struggling with something–maybe not vicodin–but a dark and odious stronghold.

Love and light. I hope that you will understand that I am so full of joy right now at God’s love for me that I cannot contain it. I feel like a crazy huggy happy lady. I have the urge to drive all over California to hug my friends and family who I banished from knowing the truth about me for over a year.

I would hug all you readers, too, if I could. Thank you for letting me share this today and please, if there is anything you feel inclined to share–do.

Confessing is freeing. It spills light into the dark and heals with warmth.

Click here if you are someone looking for help with vicodin addiction recovery. You’ll find answers to your questions, community, and the tools you need to finally get clean.

123 thoughts on “I’m a drug addict.

  1. Toulouse

    This was a fantastic way to start the morning, humbled and in awe. Hillary, you are so brave to be truly stepping out into the light in this way and inspiring others with your strength and courage. Bravo and all my best wishes for continued success!

    Reply
    1. hillary

      Oh boy. That humbles me! Being in this state truly has brought me so much joy.

      Reply
  2. Adrienne

    How brave of you to share this! Congratulations on being clean for 8 days. I wish I could hug you!

    Reply
  3. Tannith

    I have never read your blog before. But when I saw the topic shared by another blogger I was drawn in so quickly. Last year about this exact same time I was still deeply buried in my addictions. I am amazed at your clarity and strength. I wish I could say I walked in to get treatment so bravely. I wish you all the best, I pray you have many more days of light, and I pray that on the hard days you can still see the light.

    I celebrate a year in two weeks….and I look forward to reading about all your milestones this next year ????

    Best wishes

    Reply
    1. Tannith

      Rock bottom is the only place you can begin the journey back up. It is a scary place to be at the time but you will look back almost gratefully at it. It took me a longtime to move past some of the shame. That was th hardest part of healing for me, forgiving myself. Don’t forget to praise yourself now and then, you are doing something amazing no matter how small it seems sometimes. I have discussed a bit of my story on my blog and probably will go a little further into for my up coming anniversary.
      http://forevertart.wordpress.com/2012/05/08/no-more-happy-hour/

      That is the link for the day I shared my new found sobriety, there are a few other posts at a few of my milestones. I wasn’t nearly as open as you were, I was so scared to say I’m an addict at first.

      I will be cheering you on!

      Reply
    2. hillary

      Thank you so much for reading and for sharing. I don’t know that it was bravery more than just complete rock bottom. I believe that the reward comes quickly when you confess it and allow others to share it.

      Reply
  4. Nicole Leigh Shaw

    “Better out than in.” I know, I know, Shrek quotes. But it’s true for dark secrets, too. Your strong, capable, and cradled by God. Go on and get it out, babe. You have love and support.

    Reply
    1. hillary

      I really love that you brought Shrek into this. And you are absolutely right. What’s held in is miserable and destructive. I love the image of being cradled by God. Thank you for giving me that this morning.

      Reply
  5. Lara

    Oh I am so happy for you. I don’t pretend to know anything about addiction but I do know what it’s like to go through something dark and finally step out into the light. Thank you for sharing this. Now you not only have God walking with you, but you have the support and prayers of readers too. I hope you can feel our collective hug around you today.

    Reply
  6. hollow tree ventures

    Congratulations, Hillary, and thank you so much for sharing. This is brave. you are strong and amazing. So glad you’re feeling wonderful and getting the help you need.

    Reply
  7. Kate

    While I’m not an addict, I have plenty of very close people in my life who struggle with addiction. I know there is so much shame attached to it & you shouldn’t be ashamed, especially not since you are doing something about it!

    Reply
  8. Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

    You choked me up when I got to the word “stronghold.” We all have one, thank you for being brave enough to share yours. xoxo Ellen

    Reply
  9. Kim

    Hillary, you’ve brought me to tears of joy for you today. That brilliant light of God’s love is so amazing, especially when you are not feeling particularly worthy. Thank you for sharing, and blessings and prayers to you as you make your way forward! xo

    Reply
    1. hillary

      Thank you Kim! You don’t know how many times you were a little light on my dark path. I hope I can now shine like that for others as well.

      Reply
  10. christina

    and so well written, by the way! I wasn’t sure if I had stumbled onto the beginning of a novel or what at first =)

    Reply
  11. Mimi

    I love you!!!! I’m cheering you on as you run without the CHAINS….

    A favorite fan and mama-in-law ???? Mimi

    Reply
  12. Alicia

    I’m in such admiration of your strength! Like Meredith said – you’ve been through so much and you soldier on through more. Good for you! Keep us posted.

    Reply
    1. hillary

      Thank you. I will definitely keep you all posted. This has to be something people know about in order for me to truly succeed.

      Reply
  13. Ryker Seargeant

    I’m so happy for you, and pray God blesses you all the more as time goes on!!! I hope you know the Seargeants still love and miss you and your family, and we’ll pray for you in this.

    Reply
  14. Katie Smith

    Amen to Chernell! I do respect you so much for opening up and airing the dirty laundry. So proud of you and your decision to get help. You are an amazing wife to my cousin, and mommy to the kiddos and I’m glad you know what is important through all of this. I’m crying happy tears! Praying always. I love you tons! XO

    Reply
  15. Laura Boley

    This was sooo inspirational! I have always been inspired by you and your honesty. God is definitely working though you. I may not have a drug addiction but I have a food addiction that I have been battling for years. I have surrendered it to God multiple time but then continue to take control back myself. I was so convicted reading this. It has inspired me to share and to run to Christ and cast all my cares upon him. I love you sister and will pray for you. Your story of freedom brought me to tear. I know that God will continue to do amazing things though you!!! xoxoxox

    Reply
  16. ChristineMM

    I am so happy you are able to access healthcare to help you with this. This is my first visit to your blog. Good luck on the healing journey. You can do this.

    Reply
  17. Courtney

    I am so proud of you. Your story is so powerful and honest. Thank you for sharing. Your story will help so many others who deal with addiction.

    Reply
  18. A Girl's Guide to Self-Confidence - Week 5 - Guest Blogger The Hill Jean - One Tough Mother

    […] Well…yes and no. I’ve implemented many healthy habits since coming clean with my vicodin addiction. I had a total overhaul on what was going into my body. But sugar? Well, I have a hard time letting […]

    Reply
  19. Wendy

    Congratulations on your first 8 (of many) wonderful days to come. Chronic pain is a terrible thing, and you dealt with it the only way you felt you could at that time. Now that you’re in healing mode I pray that each day gets easier for you to run without chains. You will do this!!

    Reply
  20. Kim at Let Me Start By Saying

    I am so proud of you for taking ownership of this addiction, and working to recover. I’m rooting you every step of the way.

    Reply
  21. Kathy at kissing the frog

    You are amazing and strong, and I applaud you. The woman you talked about is the typical “druggie” that people think about. They don’t realize it could be a suburban mom who seems to be holding it all together. You are going to help so many people with this. Looking forward to hearing how your recovery goes, and please know that I will be rooting for you and praying for you!! xo

    Reply
  22. christina

    this is such a great testimony of the power of God’s truth and light! the enemy tries so hard to convince us of our lack of worth and the safety in hiding – and so often succeeds for so long… but the truth really does set us free – and so often the things that we think will cause people to view us as less actually end up causing them to respect us more. mad props for sharing!

    Reply
  23. Aleta

    I’m proud of you for seeking help and for being strong in sharing, not only to those who can help you but to your fellow bloggers. We will be here to support you too!

    Reply
  24. Nicole S Rouette

    As a chronic pain patient, I have so much respect for your honest, raw post here. Yay! Try to remember though, the difference between physical dependence on your meds, & psychological addiction. It sounds like you’re recognizing your mental addiction & taking action.. Kudos! Congratulations on your newly found freedom!

    Reply
    1. hillary

      Thank you so much. And yes, I totally knew the difference. The pain I had from surgery and RA was definitely acute and I needed something to bear it. But where I was in the last year was a completely different place.

      Reply
  25. Margo Hayes

    Hillary, I praise God for what He’s doing in your life. I’m so glad He’s gifted you with your ability to write because so many others will need to hear your story. Like Mimi – I’m cheering you on and will hold you up in prayer daily. Love you:)

    Reply
  26. Paige Kellerman

    Such great news Hillary! Proud of you for getting help and being so honest…:)

    Reply
  27. Rosie

    I am so proud of you. Proud of your boldness and strength. You are beautiful inside and out. With God, victory is certain. Love you ?

    Reply
  28. katie

    Congratulations the first week is by far the hardest it only gets better from here!!! I also had an addiction to pain medication 2 long horrible years I am how 16 months sober and happy

    Reply
  29. Stephanie

    Ninja Mom sent me, and I’m staying! Thank you for being so brave and honest! Sometimes listening to our Creator is the hardest thing to do! You have a new reader in me!

    Reply
  30. Mark Daniel

    In my considered opinion, accountability is a key variable in overcoming any dependency. Declaring your commitment to recovery in such a public forum exhibits tremendous strength in character and is extremely admirable. I too can certainly relate to prescription pain medication addiction. It is so easy to rationalize because the meds themselves are legal, they can be taken openly in public; and your daily functionality is not necessarily impeded. One day at a time with recovery Hill. It’s a proven fact that it takes 21 days for a habit to be formed; and with the love and support of all your family, friends and fans… you shall overcome. I love you my beautiful Niece. M

    Reply
  31. HouseTalkN

    Oh, Hill. This breaks my heart for you. I am so proud of you and your strength, grace and bravery to share.

    Sending you big love.

    Reply
  32. Capturing Joy with Kristen Duke

    Love to you my friend, it is freeing to be able to share;)

    Reply
  33. Autumn

    I’m not sure where to even start. You CAN do this! Many years ago I found myself addicted to phentermine (prescription diet pills). I was severely obese and had lost close to 100 lbs on my own. I hit a plateau and just couldn’t go any further so my Doc gave me the diet pills (low dose) and they worked for a bit. I then figured out that drinking a pot or two of coffee with that pill made me insanely hyper. I LOVED that! I talked to Dr into upping my dose, until I was at the maximum (37.5 mg twice a day). I ate because (at least I had a little sense left) I knew I had to to stay alive (which wasn’t much), I slept for 2 hours a night, ran like a madwoman. I was irritable (at the time I didn’t notice and/or care), hateful, too busy to be bothered with anything anyone else had going on. I got up one morning and got ready to take my pill (with my coffee of course) and decided I couldn’t keep doing it. I flushed them…I knew if I threw them away I’d be in the trash digging them out. I did it on my own, oh it was miserable. For me and everyone around me! I slept for (what seemed like) days! Sleep was my escape. Eventually I confessed to my dr what had been going on and made her promise to never give them to me again. I did relapse and bought a bottle from a canadian pharmacy, $200 that I didn’t really have to spend, and I just hated myself for that! I got thru it…by the grace of God…and am here to share 10 years later. I still fight my weight, but I will never, ever, ever go back to that dark place again! Again I say, YOU CAN DO THIS! You have prayers going up, you have a support system that I was too proud to take advantage of, and you have admitted you have a problem…all steps in the right direction! Fight hard!

    Reply
    1. hillary

      Wow! What a story you have! We all have our chains, and I think the invisible ones are probably the worst because we can carry on for so long without interruption. Praise God for your healing!

      Reply
  34. Keri

    You are so brave for sharing this deep part of you. I am happy for your 8 days and will be holding you up in love and prayer for the future. I wanted to share something from one of my favorite writers whose new book Victim of Grace is published today.

    Reply
  35. Lori

    Praying for your strength, Hillary. I’m so excited for all the greatness that is coming your way. You’re helping so many others through sharing your struggle.

    Reply
    1. hillary

      Oh thank you. I truly hope that God uses this in other people. It would all be so worth it then. Actually, it already is worth it for the understanding I have gained in just one week.

      Reply
  36. headstrongdamsel

    The first step is always the hardest, and sometimes just saying you need help out loud can be the hardest thing to do. it took my mom almost 30 years to say out loud she was an alcaholic, but it was the moment I was most proud of her, and the moment that our healing could begin.

    Reply
  37. Angela Gilmore

    Saying those words out loud, knowing the words to be true, is such an amazing first step. And you took that step. It’s not something that you have yet to do, or something you are avoiding doing; you’ve done it. Take one day at a time. You are a strong woman for writing this post.

    Reply
    1. hillary

      Thank you! I am so glad it is already out. Ahh. Feels like I delivered another baby haha!

      Reply
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  40. Chris Carter

    So I haven’t stopped thinking about you since I saw your FB status… I thought- “did I miss something???” And here it is. I searched back pages of my email inbox to find this post. I had missed it. Oh how I hate that I had missed it. You my friend, are a testimony to God’s Grace and Light. You my friend, will be a witness to so many through your darkness transformed… You my friend, were chosen to live a miracle of healing- and He chose your life to open new hearts to Him.

    Reply
  41. Holly Lefevre

    Having that conversation with your doctor and being able to realize this yourself was brave and amazing. Sharing it with s and for others to hear and hopefully be helped by even braver and more courageous. Congratulations on the first steps and your 8 days and for all the future days to come!

    Reply
  42. Sanstrousers

    Ninja Mom sent me. I just wanted to say stay strong, and you should be so very proud of yourself. I’ve been clean for over five years. It started with vicodin, and then progressed to other pain killers. It can be a hard road at first, but you can do it.

    Reply
  43. Caryn/The Mid Life Guru

    You are a great writer. Honest, personal, authentic, from the heart. That’s why I keep coming back. So glad we met last month. You’ve taken an important first step. I’m rooting for your continued success.

    Reply
  44. Nicole

    Wow, Hillary. It’s amazing to be so honest with the world, but even more to be honest with yourself and get help. Praying for you, friend!

    Reply
  45. Lu

    Hillary, Thank you so much for sharing your story. There are so many who struggle with addictions. Not just drugs or alcohol. My husband was addicted to meds for years because of his severe back and neck problems, many surgeries, and the hidden wounds as a combat veteran. God has used my own past addictions, along with the years of caring for my disabled vet. I am now volunteering in an Alcoholics for Christ ministry and am able to feel empathy and understanding to those who are seeking out or are court ordered to attend meetings. God uses all things for His glory. I will keep you in prayer and am looking forward to hearing more about God’s plans for you. It was the medications that took my husband too soon. Stay strong and lean on those around you. We love you.

    Reply
  46. Jessica

    So, so proud if you for getting help, for this post and for being amazingly strong. xo

    Reply
  47. Mamaintheburbs

    Congratulations on your path to recovery. Found my way here from a RT on twitter. Wish I found you sooner. You are speaking a language I know so well. Back in Aug 2010 I had my colon out. Before that I was suffering from chronic colitis attacks. After my major surgery, I had 4 more plus 7 additional hospital stays. I was all too familiar with Rx pain meds. I was literally on oxycodone for years. On and off, up and own! Finally got help bc I knew I couldn’t do it alone. I still suffer from pain but bc of my addictive personality I know I can’t handle those types of meds. They are too tempting. If you ever want to talk please email me. I’m in the process of launching my new blog http://www.mamaintheburbs.com.

    After reading your post, it’s become clear that one day I too should share my story. Thank you! Many prayers your way!

    Reply
  48. Meredith

    I am so sorry for your struggles and your pain–you have been through so much! Your honesty and vulnerability here is awe-inspiring, and I know you are blessing so many people through this post. The faith and hope you have found are gorgeous. I’m tearing up as I’m rejoicing with you. Thank you, so, so much for sharing and know you are in my prayers!

    Reply
  49. just JENNIFER

    So amazing of you to share this with the world! I love it when another human being is willing to share their stuggles. Because we all struggle with something, it just varies from person to person. You are brave.

    Reply
  50. Sarah Yoder

    A great friend of ours struggled with this same thing last year. (Youth Sponsor, Director of Music at the Church) – my mom’s a nurse and she said that this is SO common these days…that the doctors are getting really irresponsible about how much they prescribe. I’m super proud of you! ???? You have done the hard part…

    Reply
  51. Amanda

    You are so brave, and inspiring. Like Lara above said, going through something dark and seeing light at the end is relieving. I guess this is just to send you love, strength and support. Congratulations.

    Reply
  52. nicolette @ momnivore's dilemma

    I have a family member who went through the very same thing. My best to you, Hill.

    Reply
  53. Desta

    From one recovering warrior to another- well done!!! Excited to follow your journey-we’re all in this together-you are NOT alone! Btw-I too was addicted to r/x pain meds…among other addictions.

    Reply
  54. Elaine A.

    Wow, Hillary, that was a big burden to carry. I am so happy you are relieved of it, for yourself and for your family. Congratulations and much love to you… ????

    Reply
  55. taraocity

    There is a radiance, even ever so faint in the beginning, that shines from someone standing in their truth. For those of us blessed to feel it shine on us too, even from the blogosphere, it is a healing wash that we may do the same for ourselves. Shine on Hilari:) hugs from taraocity

    Reply
  56. Keesha

    Hillary, I am so proud of you, for admitting you had a problem, seeking help and getting free! You are a beautiful, talented, amazing woman — I know your story will help so many people get on the road to recovery.

    Reply
  57. Karen

    This was sad and beautiful at the same time, Hillary. You have no idea how many people you are helping by writing this. No wonder you feel so good now. You deserve it.

    Reply
  58. Mackenzie @ Raising Wild Things

    Wow. Thank you, thank you, thank you for being so brave to share. We seemingly all have our battles, to varying degrees, and if your post helps even just one person face theirs, you’ve done more than you can know. Congrats on your 8 days. Here’s to 8 more. (And then 8 after that, and 8 after that …)

    Reply
  59. gigi

    Every day is a victory. Congratulations for making your choice to feel better. Sending you lots of good wishes for ongoing strength to keep on battling.

    Reply
  60. Esther

    Through your honesty, courage, and strength, I think that you will be (and are) a blessing to many! Congratulations. I will pray that you continue to have the strength needed.

    Reply
  61. Frugalistablog

    I’m so proud of you Hill. This is beautiful and you will need encouragement each and every day. One day at a time. You can do this.

    Reply
    1. hillary

      Thanks so much, Rebecca. One day at a time, with lots of support ???? And laughter.

      Reply
  62. [email protected]

    So proud to call you my friend. Beautiful post and amazing courage and truly inspiring honesty. You have a huge support system out here in blogland, use us. Sending all my love and encouragment and prayers.

    Reply
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  64. Chernell

    I love you, Hill!!! Thanks for being so open and honest. I know everyone has said that, but being family, it means a lot. Drugs are scary and we’re convinced that we’re the only ones who struggle at times. Way to go on 8 days! The hardest is behind you. God has and will continue to do mighty things in your life. I so anxious to see what’s next. Love you to the moon!!

    Reply
  65. A Little Bit of Everything

    […] guys. It’s been like, four months since I came clean with the vicodin confession. Big deal, […]

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  66. Leslie

    Beautiful writing, Hillary. I so understand the idea of “the chains” and the feelings of comparing your chains with someone else’s. But the truth is, we all have our own rock bottoms and nobody’s is better or worse than anyone else’s. I’m so glad you were able to get the help you needed. You are so brave and strong. I’m cheering for you!

    Reply
  67. Evil Joy

    You are strong, amazing and wonderful. Honestly is a huge piece. One step at a time – one day at a time. Sending you support and strength and love.

    Reply
    1. hillary

      Thank you so much! I think the truth really does set you free. And yes, one day at a time.

      Reply
  68. Stephanie

    You are so brave and so strong and I agree with the above comment. Your testimony in the midst of trial is amazing today and will only continue to grow.

    Reply
  69. Bethany @ Bad Parenting Moments

    That very first step is always the hardest because it seems like it’s a step off of a cliff. Then, you take it and all the loving arms around you break your fall. You are brave. You are loved. You are amazing. Thank you for sharing this deep part of your soul with all of us. You can do this. You’ve already done the hardest part. Love to you, sweet lady.

    Reply
  70. Alison

    So glad for you that you sought help, got it, and got clean. You can stay clean. You’re strong and yes, you are honest. Much love.

    Reply
  71. Melissa Young

    SOOO Brave! May Jesus spill blessing all over you in obedience and freedom! Hooray!

    Reply
  72. Anna

    So happy for you Hillary! You are going to help so many people by sharing your journey! Xoxo

    Reply
  73. Natalia

    Oh girl, this is amazing! I am so happy for you and PRAISE THE LORD! I want to praise Him with you, this is amazing. Isn’t he so glorious that he picks up your chains and carries them and walks with you so gently helping you. Not angry that you ignored her, but lovingly helping you through it! I can’t wait to continue walking this story with you. Love you!

    Reply
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  75. Michelle Villemaire

    Wow. I am so glad I discovered you and your blog! I happen to be surrounded by addiction/recovery myself. Thank you for your voice. Your courage is inspiring and your writing is beautiful.

    Reply
  76. Ginger Kay

    Hugs to you. God is good. Now that you’ve admitted your weakness, He will strengthen you, and use you to minister to others. I know it will not be easy, but many will be praying for you and cheering you on.

    Reply
  77. Kathy Radigan

    Congratulations on 8 days!!! I too think you are so brave to come out and share your story. Please know my thoughts and prayers are with you as you continue on your journey! Much love to you!

    Reply
  78. Suebob

    Congratulations on your progress and on your honesty. I’m sure your post will help many other people.

    Reply
  79. Melody

    Thanks for sharing, Hill. We’ve recently found out about a drug addiction of one of our family members, and that person can’t come to the point of confessing that something is wrong and something must be done. I look forward to reading your posts so I can learn how to help others through it. Thanks for being an inspiration to us all in the realization that through all things God works and through all things God is good. Praying for you. ????

    Reply
  80. The Calibamamom

    Bravo! Eight days is AWESOME. Someone very close to me just got out of inpatient rehab for chemical decency, and got the 30 day chip on Friday. It’s an uphill battle, but such a mountain worth climbing! Hang in there ????

    Reply
  81. Brooke

    Prescription meds are exactly what you said- silent chains. Addiction has touched my life more times than I could have ever predicted. People who are addicted to pain pills look and act “normal” for the most part, so its a hard hard thing to admit otherwise. I admire your strength and courage! Congratulations on getting through your first week! This post was so touching and inspirational, wishing you the best of luck with your journey!

    Reply
    1. hillary

      You are so right. It was so easy to talk myself out of it for so long, and to fool others. Thank you so much for reading!

      Reply
  82. Barry

    Being emotionally dead, it is high praise for me to tell you that you are the only writer who can both make me laugh and make me cry! And you have done so more than once. Stop it! ???? jk Part of my horrible year last year was facing this same problem in someone very close. It is so hard to claw your way to the point where you can admit an addiction, but it is so wonderful to move past there into the life that you deserve. i love you Hill.

    Reply
  83. Student Mom (Jenn)

    Well done!! Addiction is not so lekker (sweet – as we say in Afrikaans).

    When that pull gets strong, fall on your knees, and then go for a walk.

    God is our only way out, in sooo many things.

    Blessings heaped on you!

    Reply
  84. keri @ shaken together

    Congratulations on 8 days – that is an amazing accomplishment and something to be so proud of!! My husband was addicted to cocaine for the first long, horrific years of our relationship – I know that sounds dramatic, but addiction is nothing less than horrific. We struggled together – he the addict, me the codependent – and made it out on the other side. He has been drug free for 10+ years now! You will have a testimony to share, one of triumph, of perseverance and of joy … I just know it!

    Reply
    1. MoDel

      Good girl! I am right there with you. But I am only 6 days clean. But I think the toughest part was making the initial decision to GET clean. Your request to your doctor to “cut you off” is a testiment to your inner strength, and shows what an incredible individual you are. Keep going. And know that God is with you. Blessings…

      Reply
  85. Barbie

    Tomorrow will be 9 days, next week, 16… next year, 53 weeks. What you are doing is amazing… congratulations… but even more, even though I don’t know you, thank you for sharing this, for it may help someone else…

    Reply
  86. Robin O'Bryant

    You are brave and vulnerable and amazing. AMAZING. I have tears running down my face because I can’t imagine the courage it took to click Publish. I wish I could drive to CA to hug you myself. xoxo Praying for you and rooting for your success!

    Reply
  87. Caitlin MidAtlantic

    You are so strong to share your struggle with so many. I’m sure your honesty will inspire so many others to seek help.

    Reply
  88. Melissa G

    Thank you for sharing. I am an addictions counselor and I work with persons addicted to substances every single day. Congratulations on your clarity, your clean time and your moving forward process. Many blessings!

    Reply
  89. Tawney

    Hilary you are such a brave and inspiring woman! Being able to come out with your addiction accepting help takes so much strength and courage. I am wishing you the best!

    Reply
  90. looking up

    […] at two weeks now and I am still so happy I made this decision to go clean, and come clean with all of you. Only good things are coming out of it. So much support, such rallying, and then all of you who […]

    Reply
  91. JD Bailey @ Honest Mom

    Sweet Hillary, I’m so happy for you and so proud. Big, giant hugs to you. You are so strong and an inspiration. xoxo

    Reply
  92. More Grace, PleaseBecause my life is fascinating

    […] sick in bed detoxing from vicodin so she cuts her children a little more slack and chooses to snuggle them in bed and read some […]

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