looking up

By | April 29, 2013

Hey guys!

So I was probably like the worst blogger ever last week. I mean, I totally dropped a bomb on y’all with my giant confession, and then I kinda just crawled back under a rock for a week and read your comments in the company of earthworms and creepy crawlers. And let’s not forget roly polys. I’m not gonna make that same mistake twice.

It took a lot for me to click that “post” button last week. But I was psyched up, felt it was the right thing, and I just DID it. I do not regret that decision– not even for a second.

We’re at two weeks now and I am still so happy I made this decision to go clean, and come clean with all of you. Only good things are coming out of it. So much support, such rallying, and then all of you who have shared your stories with me.

Thank you. It’s been amazing.

But I wasn’t prepared for the draining affect sharing such a secret would have upon me. It was such a big piece of me, you see. A piece that I’ve never wanted to be visible to anyone else. And as liberating as it was to release it to the world wide web, it also proved quite exhausting.

Sort of like letting everybody see what your flesh is really doing underneath the Spanx. Even WE don’t get to see all our fat and extra lumps smooched into sausage casing. We just get to see the smoothing effect, and bear the discomfort with quiet dignity.

Imagine having all the world see inside.

The horror.

And then…well, the last few days have been rough. I was very sick, I guess from the withdrawals, and  it made it difficult to want to say anything to anyone, let alone the internet.

I feel better today, so today I am blogging. Trying to tap back into this crazy, fast, authentic conversation that I myself started with all of you. Please don’t think I wasn’t around. I was listening. Absorbing. Soaking in all the encouraging words that flooded my inbox and newsfeed.

Y’all rock.

I’m ready to be back in the blogging game–especially since this week I get to finally share the before pictures of my great, big room makeover project!

I have other things to share, too. I’m even gonna try and make you laugh. Just not today. So can you hang with me?


17 thoughts on “looking up

  1. Autumn

    During my addiction/breaking I chatted. It helped to talk (type) to others and KNOW they were there but it IS exhausting to talk about it. Most days I just wanted to be left alone to wallow and sleep. Every day is easier…hang in there!

  2. Kathy Radigan

    Totally hanging with you!! Sending good thoughts and prayers. I think it’s very brave to share your process with us and I think it’s going to help a lot of people in their own journey’s. xx

  3. Chris Carter

    You KNOW I am not going anywhere!!! I am so glad you posted something today!! I have been praying for you so much and thinking about you… It is completely exhausting to open up such a deep part of you to the “universe” and your body is also being stressed with withdrawal. Just continue to honor your body and your sweet tired spirit with pacing yourself and allowing yourself to rest when you need and rejoice when you need and cry if yo need- oh, and fire UP the Hilljean when you need!!! You have such a strong and faithful following… because you are strong and faithful.

  4. Maria Chilson

    I will be here most of the day and I enjoyed your last blog post. On another positive note, your hair looks really good in that picture (as well as the rest of you;)

  5. Aleta

    I’ve been thinking of you. Post as you can, I’m hanging right there along with you. Soak in the love and support that you have and drawer strength from it.

  6. Chris Carter

    Okay- I’m BACK! Lol! I had to come back and I don’t usually post a link in the comments- but I keep thinking my latest devotional would bless you in some way… I do hope it does! Here is the link:

  7. Tamara

    Oh, Hilary, you have to know we’re all hanging with you! I doubt any of your devoted readers, friends or followers expect a chirpy, perky post from you on a daily basis right now. You’re going through a major transition… transformation… and your focus must be on you and your family. You have a lot of healing to do and we are grateful that you share with us. But you’re not obligated to any of us. Share what feels right. Crawl under a rock when you need to. Stick your hand out when you need help coming out from underneath it. If you don’t, surely some of us will come looking for you.

    Rock on. You’re a hero to many and an inspiration. Only the strongest among us can admit our weaknesses. Love and light, my bloggy friend. -Tamara

  8. Kellea

    Welcome back. Continued prayers for you. So glad you are feeling better!!

  9. Michelle

    I did comment on your last post because there were so many, but I’m very happy for you that you’re on your way to feeling better. That took a lot of strength:) Thanks for posting.

  10. Kat

    I get overwhelmed when I get more than 40 comments on a post about gibberish…I don’t know blame you for stepping back and can’t imagine the range of emotions you must be going through. Big hugs for you m’lady!


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