10 Reasons Summer Needs To Be Over

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I am counting down the days for summer to be over. Please?! Can it be over now?

I’m over it. That’s for sure.

1.) I’m over sweating.

2.) Eating salad.

3.) Wishing I had worked on attaining a bikini-worthy body before bikini season.

4.) Finding things for my kids to do indoors.

5.) Taking them to the public pool where everything is way too public and the pool is rationed per body. Ugh. Like one big glob of humans swimming around in an oily can of tuna. Blech.
(Our pool doesn’t smell like tuna. If it did, you wouldn’t find me or my loved ones anywhere near it. It just feels like tuna! Wait…sardines. That’s supposed to be the analogy whereby you avoid the awkward talking about tuna thing.)

6.) I’m over drinking my coffee in front of our ugly AC unit just so I don’t break a sweat whilst drinking away my favorite part of the day. The sweating sort of nullifies the entire experience.

7.) Did I say I’m sick of the clothes? I am. I’m done with showing my arms all the time. I’ve never really been a fan of my arms–or showing them. They’re fine. I just like them better with a 3/4 length sweater.

8.) I’m also tired of trying to wear sandals. Sandals and me are not friends. The foot surgeries have rendered me miserable in flip-flops. Doesn’t stop me from wearing them when it’s four hundred degrees outside and my feet are all balloony and I have to go trudge through the stupid sandbox.

9.) I’m about to shave Chaucer’s head, and this is a very sad thing.

 I literally have to peel bran-flakes out of his locks every morning. He wakes up from his nap looking like a wild-man. It’s cute, but sweaty scalp is gross on everyone. Even Chaucer. Also his scraggly bangs are constantly matted to his forehead with an unmeasured formula of ketchup, snot, and sweat.

So yah, I’m about to cut it.

10.) I’m sick of battling the tan. I don’t have a tan, and so every summer I wage a war against the media and every tall blonde girl out there. Also Latinas. And black people, because they don’t have to worry about it.

I’ve come to the realization that as beautiful as white skin may be, the bathing suit ALWAYS looks better with a tan. Always. So I start out the summer adamantly against the tan. Midway through the season I’ve achieved a small amount of color, am encouraged by it, and then try as hard as I can to get more tan. I paint my nails hot pink and wear white and think, “hey, I got this.”

And then it all sloughs off from one too many baths. Yuck. And then I can’t help myself–I shed my summer skin and am back to pale old me. The only problem is, it’s still summer.

Crap.

So you can see that I would just love for it to be fall and winter and get back into my turtlenecks and jeans that properly conceal everything. Blessed, blessed long-sleeves.

The Mommy Mess

13 thoughts on “10 Reasons Summer Needs To Be Over

  1. hilljean

    Well, at least Florida is really pretty. My worst nightmare is living in the desert somewhere. I can’t think of a worse fate. Florida has all that green and feels so tropical I could probably forgive the heat. Although, I would hate to be in summer clothes during the fall :/

    Reply
  2. hilljean

    Love your post, you are dead on with Reasons to End Summer. My kids go back on Wednesday and I cannot wait!

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  3. hilljean

    I’m definitely over summer – I was so glad to send my girls back to school yesterday! And also? I’m thinking about cutting my little boy’s cute hair – it’s getting so gross all the time because he runs his greasy, food-covered hands through it, but I don’t want to lose his pretty curls!

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  4. hilljean

    Not a fan of winter, eh? But what about Christmas?? I would much rather be cold than hot so I’ll take the winter any day.

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  5. hilljean

    I hear ya! I am sick of the heat. Tired of sweating all the time. I’m ready for some cool fall weather but dreading what comes after that ????

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  6. hilljean

    I am with you 100%, especially on number 10. Nothing is worse than bathing suit season and looking like Casper the Friendly Ghost, which is exactly what happens to me! I cannot wait for jeans and sweaters and boots!

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  7. robyn

    Yup – fall is the time of potential. I might wear a bikini NEXT summer. I might go outside at noon without feeling like I’m walking underwater through a bathtub. I might drink my coffee without needing a shower. I’m ready.
    P.S. I noticed that same tanning phenomenon this year – where did my tan go??? Yet the funky tan stipes on my feet from my shoes (stupid sandals) will NOT go away.

    Reply
  8. hilljean

    {Melinda} I live in Florida, which would probably be your worst nightmare! It can still be 85 degrees in October. I quite prefer seasons, but this is where God has us right now. I just stay indoors and crank the A/C — at least until December when it manages to dip down to 65. Brrrrrr…. ????

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  9. hilljean

    Woohoo! I can’t wait til I have both kids in school. Is that bad? My daughter is just starting preK and I think I am expecting far too much of this “free time.” Hehee.

    Reply
  10. hilljean

    Laughed out loud at the Casper analogy ???? I forgot about boots! That’s like the best part!!

    Reply

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