Things Grandmas Say

By | January 14, 2014

I know that the time for holiday recap is over and done with, but if you’re like me you’re still recovering from the excess of food, festivities, and family.

Don’t get me wrong–we had a lovely time with family. I’m incredibly fortunate to have a mother-in-law who is my friend, rather than foe. As in, I can borrow her clothes and she never bats an eye at the disaster that is my house. Yes, she is golden.

And then there’s my mom—an absolute peach.

She probably wouldn’t like being labeled a peach, but peaches are delightful. They also happen to be my number one pregnancy craving  so it’s a nice way of saying I love my mom.

Despite how lovely these ladies may be, the dark side prevails. The grandmother side.

But how can grandmas have a dark side? Well, it’s sort of written into the job description fine print stuff, if you know what I mean. A tricky phenomenon, and one that only the parents find dark and deplorable.

You see, the parents recognize that grandmas are entitled to a certain set of rules and behaviors that they are denied.

While there’s all sorts of subtleties and nuances involved in grandma’s dark side, there is one particular entitlement that really grinds my gears.

Grandmother Phraseology (yes, I made this up myself): A unique set of phrases, idioms, and platitudes often expressed by those women (or men) who find themselves in the grandparent role. 

In laymen’s terms: things grandmas say and get away with.

Folks, I can’t wait to get to use  Grandmother Phraseology. It sounds like so much fun. I’m gonna drive my kids nuts. My daughter-in-law will want to throttle me. She won’t call me a golden peach. Nosireee.

Here’s my list of personal faves–phrases I’m just chomping at the bit to be able to say. Sometimes I practice them on my cat. I’ve gotten away with it so far.

things grandmas say

1.) “Kids, we don’t do that at Grandma’s house. Grandma has rules.” Implication: your parents’ rules suck.

2.) “They must get that from your (or his) side.” Yah, that nonsense has nothing to do with our DNA.

3.) “I’ve been waiting years for this to come full circle.” Well now that’s sick. So this is fun for you?

4.) “No, none of my kids ever acted like this.” Perplexing, and also very frightening. 

5.) “Well in my day…” Watch out. There’s no telling where this one will go.

6.) “I can say that cause I’m a grandma.” Trump card. You both despise and admire this one. 

7.) “You were just like that.” Perhaps the most depressing thing you’ll ever hear.

8.) “I never had anyone to help me.” You best be grateful. 

9.) “Did I ever tell you that being a grandma is so much fun?” I’m glad one of us is having a good time.

10.) “That’s it, guys! Grandma’s tired.” Those words are magic. They say them, and the problems (i.e. children) go away.

Sounds like a pretty sweet gig, doesn’t it? Do you have any additional examples of Grandmother Phraseology to add? I’d love to hear!

P.S. Cheers to all the grandmas out there! You’ve earned it, and I look forward to joining the ranks on fine day ???? 


17 thoughts on “Things Grandmas Say

  1. Chris Carter

    Your next post can be about the “looks” grandmas give…. sometimes those are more “Classic” than even their words!!!!

    1. hillary

      Yep–I think I’ll have to use gifs to properly portray that category!

  2. jodi shaw

    These are hilarious my mom has used a few of these, especially the rules one. Yes it implicates my rules suck which sucks and puts me in the bad category. But life without grandma would be no fun at all.

    1. hillary

      You’re so right! Good grandmas do more than enough to make up for the funny quirks. Besides, I genuinely look forward to saying those things one day! Ha!

  3. Liz

    Yes! So true. I always get from my own mother: “You and your sister never acted like that. Do you think it’s the day care?”

  4. Dee Williamson

    This list is down to the T for what I hear. Another to add to the list of things Grandmas tell their grandkids are the stories about the parents. I can’t wait to do this one. Heehee!

    1. hillary

      Ugh! For real! I’m always like, “Whats your motivation here? To make things worse??!”

  5. Stephanie Carlson

    My mom flips the “rules” one. As in, “That’s ok, gamma doesn’t care…” meaning that I’m WAY too strict or something.

  6. Kelly @

    Here’s mine: “Are you at all concerned about [insert some imaginary flaw that your child supposedly has]?”

    1. hillary

      Yeah…that would definitely rub me the wrong way! Fortunately they’ve never done that. I think my grandma would have though haha!


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