Things Grandmas Say

I know that the time for holiday recap is over and done with, but if you’re like me you’re still recovering from the excess of food, festivities, and family.

Don’t get me wrong–we had a lovely time with family. I’m incredibly fortunate to have a mother-in-law who is my friend, rather than foe. As in, I can borrow her clothes and she never bats an eye at the disaster that is my house. Yes, she is golden.

And then there’s my mom—an absolute peach.

She probably wouldn’t like being labeled a peach, but peaches are delightful. They also happen to be my number one pregnancy craving  so it’s a nice way of saying I love my mom.

Despite how lovely these ladies may be, the dark side prevails. The grandmother side.

But how can grandmas have a dark side? Well, it’s sort of written into the job description fine print stuff, if you know what I mean. A tricky phenomenon, and one that only the parents find dark and deplorable.

You see, the parents recognize that grandmas are entitled to a certain set of rules and behaviors that they are denied.

While there’s all sorts of subtleties and nuances involved in grandma’s dark side, there is one particular entitlement that really grinds my gears.

Grandmother Phraseology (yes, I made this up myself): A unique set of phrases, idioms, and platitudes often expressed by those women (or men) who find themselves in the grandparent role. 

In laymen’s terms: things grandmas say and get away with.

Folks, I can’t wait to get to use  Grandmother Phraseology. It sounds like so much fun. I’m gonna drive my kids nuts. My daughter-in-law will want to throttle me. She won’t call me a golden peach. Nosireee.

Here’s my list of personal faves–phrases I’m just chomping at the bit to be able to say. Sometimes I practice them on my cat. I’ve gotten away with it so far.

1.) “Kids, we don’t do that at Grandma’s house. Grandma has rules.” Implication: your parents’ rules suck.

2.) “They must get that from your (or his) side.” Yah, that nonsense has nothing to do with our DNA.

3.) “I’ve been waiting years for this to come full circle.” Well now that’s sick. So this is fun for you?

4.) “No, none of my kids ever acted like this.” Perplexing, and also very frightening. 

5.) “Well in my day…” Watch out. There’s no telling where this one will go.

6.) “I can say that cause I’m a grandma.” Trump card. You both despise and admire this one. 

7.) “You were just like that.” Perhaps the most depressing thing you’ll ever hear.

8.) “I never had anyone to help me.” You best be grateful. 

9.) “Did I ever tell you that being a grandma is so much fun?” I’m glad one of us is having a good time.

10.) “That’s it, guys! Grandma’s tired.” Those words are magic. They say them, and the problems (i.e. children) go away.

Sounds like a pretty sweet gig, doesn’t it? Do you have any additional examples of Grandmother Phraseology to add? I’d love to hear!

P.S. Cheers to all the grandmas out there! You’ve earned it, and I look forward to joining the ranks on fine day ????