Worst Boy Haircuts

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I’m a sucker for little boys with long-ish hair. Not like ponytail long, but surfer-boy long. Know what I’m saying?

 

But then, Coco got her hair cut and I sort of felt scissor happy. And then I had this really swell idea for a blog post. So I went with it.

ugly boy haircuts

Don’t worry. He didn’t suffer too long. And I fed him a few candies along the way. Sugar free, organic ones. If that makes you feel better.

Ok fine. They had sugar. And red #4. Alright. Let’s move on to the hair cuts that you should NEVER give to your son.

First up, the mullet.

little boy with mullet

Why were these popular again? Business in the front–party in the back. No, it cannot be business when you see a straggling curtain swinging behind. That any child should be subjected to something so hideous is a crime. A crime of epic proportions.

 

I’m sorry, when you part your hair like this all I can think is that your face looks like a butt. That is all.

 

little boy with rat tail

The Rat Tail, or in other words, the skeezy cousin of the Mullet. It’s a tad more tricky, the Rat Tail. At first you might think, oh what a nice looking lit…Sweet Swirling Onion Rings! What is that creature clinging to the nape of his neck?!”

Madam, that is his Rat Tail. He worked very hard to cultivate such a piece. If you’re lucky he’ll let you yank it. Nah, he won’t. That would really hurt. We reserve the right to yank when he’s been very naughty.

little boy with bowl cut

 

Now this is just pure laziness. I get it, but it’s lazy. A bowl is never a good template for anything that will adorn your body. Maybe you need a perfect circle for a school art project—but not your kid’s hair. No.

lloyd christmas hair

 

I was woo’ed back in high school by my husband quoting lines from Dumb and Dumber. I love me some Harry and Lloyd. I do.

“We got no food, no jobs…OUR PET’S HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!”

“So you’re sayin’ there’s a chance?”

“According to the map we’ve only gone four inches.”

Alright. I’m done. Some people are serenaded. I was inundated with Dumb and Dumber humor. And it worked. It didn’t hurt that I was 16…But I bet I’d fall for it now.

Back to the hair cut. I didn’t leave him looking like Lloyd Christmas. Fear not. He’s still drool worthy {but I am probably going to have him grow it out again}

Feast ye eyes!

 

Fess up. Have you ever given your kid a really horrible hair cut just to get a good picture?

56 thoughts on “Worst Boy Haircuts

  1. Margo Hayes

    Hahaha! I laughed all the way through this one! However, the last cut is definitely the best. But don’t make toooo much fun of the bowl – you know that was really “in” when your big brothers were a little older than Chauce. Got to confess I’ve never liked the mullet or the rat-tail… the latter really does make me think of a rat’s behind:/

    Reply
    1. hillary

      I remember both of them with bowl cuts. And they looked like dorks, Mom.

      Reply
    1. hillary

      Hahah the look on his face is so funny. It could also be called the Chris Farley…

      Reply
  2. Melanie

    Got a kick out of this! Hope you don’t mind but I shared it with my followers on FB. – Found you through SITS today.

    Reply
  3. Amy

    My boy gets his hair cut at home, too, and I can’t wait to have a little fun with his hair when the scissors come out next!

    Reply
    1. hillary

      I actually didn’t cut it–my neighbor did and she was such a sport to put up with my shenanigans.

      Reply
  4. christina

    hahaHA! I definitely try to avoid these like the plague. I have, however, seen some braided rat tails that I liked – but I dig Latino men, obviously ????

    Reply
    1. hillary

      Oh my. Well, I guess if the guy is hot then a little tail wouldn’t be so…no. Sorry. Haha

      Reply
  5. Candace Hayes

    HILARIOUS!!!! How you come up with ideas,I don’t know. But i’m glad you did for our sake. One day he’s gonna kill you for doing this to him, hahaha. I love it, miss you guys!

    Reply
  6. 4Hairstyles

    Not all of them are horrible, but no. 2 and 3 were just too horrible, I’d never imagine that style on my little brother’s hair. Thanks for this great article.

    Reply
  7. Jeanne

    His haircut now fits him to a tee! My son had the surfer boy long, the mullet and the rat tail. His (and my) favorite haircut after those was the buzz cut.

    Reply
  8. Chris Carter

    Oh have I had HORRIBLE luck with cutting my son’s hair!!! I cry every time we take him…so I now have given the job over to my hubs. I fret while they are gone, but I suppose the hair cuts are getting a bit better. I hate cutting his precious blond hair off…. still trying to figure out the best cut for him. Love all the pictures! TOO cute!! ????

    Reply
  9. Jenny @ Creatively Blooming

    Haha! This is an awesome post! I have never tried cutting my sons hair, but I did manage to give my little girl a pretty cute bob cut. I was proud of myself – especially since I manage to butcher my bangs every time I try to trim them! And your son’s new haircut looks so cute! I love his pucker up picture!

    Reply
  10. Sarcasm Goddess

    Haha! The mullet and the middle part are THE WORST. And so is the rat tail.

    Reply
  11. Wombat Central

    What, no mushroom ‘do? ???? Loved this post, and I’m a sucker for a boy or man with short hair. Love his final cut! My son (10) wanted to grow his out to surfer length, and it actually looks great on him. I had it short for so many years–I never knew how cute it could be to see his curls grow out!

    Reply
    1. hillary

      How could I forget the mushroom? Gah! We’ll have to do a take two once he’s grown it out again.

      Reply
  12. kerri

    Oooohmygah. I have never taken my son to get a real hair cut, and he is 7. He has never had what I would call “short” hair! I can’t say that the end result is always the best, but at least I can blame myself. ???? I wish I could show you pics of what his hair used to look like.

    Reply
  13. villagegirl

    Oh my stars! Those are so funny! About a year ago, my youngest said he would like a mullet for his next hair cut (he was 5…seriously, how did he even know what that was??). I nearly choked and then proceeded to tell him that they didn’t actually make that hair cut any more. Thankfully that satisfied him and he hasn’t asked since!

    Reply
  14. Sarah

    I love it when people let their little boys grow their hair surfer-long, but I also always loved it when we’d buzz their heads for summer– and then it was like you’d see their faces and expressions for the first time all over again!

    Reply
    1. hillary

      I had completely forgotten what his eyebrows looked like ????

      Reply
  15. Sarah

    Would you please come over and trim my son’s hair? I could pass on all 5 of the bad cuts (besides, he won’t let you stick around with the scissors long enough to have fun), but I am SERIOUSLY bad with the scissors and I would probably do a better job with a SuckCut (“It sucks… as it cuts!” “It certainly does suck…”) Here’s hoping he’ll forgive me in the end, but at least he can see out now.

    Reply
    1. hillary

      Oh! You wouldn’t want me in charge of his hair! I had a friend do it–she’s a professional ????

      Reply
  16. hollow tree ventures

    Perfect choices! And the final cut is a-dor-a-ble. Love. I’m still crying tears of laughter over, “…our pet’s heads are falling off,” though. How did I forget about that???? (“Well, he was old.”)

    Reply
    1. hillary

      The hubs and I had so much fun reminiscing through Dumb and Dumber quotes. I need to purchase this movie.

      Reply
  17. Aleta

    OMG, those were hilarious hair cutes. Love that last picture though – priceless! Awww

    Reply
  18. Tara

    What a good sport! This is why I either shave my boys heads or take them somewhere. I would do a HORRIBLE job!

    Reply
  19. anna

    his final hair cut is so cute, i almost forgot about the terrible ones he had on the way there – almost. my son wears his hair long (he has curls, how could i cut them?) but one more stranger calling him a girl and my husband is gonna insist we cut it!

    Reply
    1. hillary

      That is seriously what made me do it. I don’t know how I forgot to include that in the post–but really, I got so tired of people thinking he was a girl.

      Reply
  20. Elaine A.

    I have never given my kid a hair cut. My husband did buzz my oldest son’s hair once but he did not like it because he didn’t have any hair to play with for a while after that…

    Reply
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    Reply
  22. wendy jean

    Your post is hilarious!! Love it! Your son was a trooper to sit through the haircuts and pictures. He looks adorable now!!

    Reply
  23. laurie

    Wow they are wierd haircuts but your son doesn’t look that horrible in them… Thanks for teaching me a lesson!

    Reply
  24. Ninja Mom

    Wow. I can’t pick a “favorite.” They are equally horrific. Brava!

    Reply
  25. [email protected] Mom

    This is great – I completely agree with your choices! I admit that I have not given a bad hair cut for the sake of a picture – but I have attempted to cut bangs (without much success) once.

    Reply
  26. Adrienne

    Haha! I’m impressed that you cut the hair! My boys need haircuts! Thanks for the reminder.

    Reply
    1. hillary

      Well, enough people were mistaking him for a girl…but I miss it already.

      Reply

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