My Big Fat Beef With Pageant Moms

By | June 30, 2011

Last week, I shared my special advice on what to say to people that comment on your parenting. I equipped you with a handful of one-liners that would simultaneously shut the trap and drop the jaw. Huh? How is that even possible?

Don’t worry about it.

If you missed it, go back and read it! Yes, I even suggest using nicotine withdrawal as an excuse. For your kid. Uh huh.

This week, the beauteous Mama Kat asked another thought provoking question: What is MY pet peeve about other people’s parenting?

I could talk about the people that think God has revealed to them the ONLY way to parent, cause that annoys the crap out of me. But I’d rather go with a jucier peeve. And that is a gross expression. Juicer peeve.
 I must confess it was inspired by watching a little too much TLC. That’s a confession because I’m pretty ashamed of it.

I’m gonna talk about Pageant Moms. And yes, I realize I may offend some people, but I figure I’ve already blown it with last week’s post, so what the hay. Also, I don’t think Pageant Moms have the time to blog…


My Big Fat Beef With Pageant Moms
Photo found here. Nice little article on the sexual exploitation of children in pageants.

?? Here’s my beef with Pageant Moms:

1.) Just because you’re all fat and frumpy now doesn’t mean you need to parade your child in front of other psychotic mothers and arbitrary judges to validate the fact that you DID produce a beautiful creature. Lose the sweats, hit the gym, and let your kid be a kid. Not a Barbie. What’s that? But you like Barbie clothes? Fine. Wear them yourself. Your not-yet-potty-trained-BABY should be wearing rompers and onesies. Not ballgowns, bikinis, and stilettos.

2.) I don’t care if this goes into a “college fund.” By the time she’s of age for college she’s going to be such a bimbo that she’ll be beyond repair. And don’t tell me you’re trying to boost her confidence. Getting judged for how she looks in a bathing suit at age 10 is NOT going to encourage ANY confidence.

3.) Your kid is hungry. Feed them.
4.) Your child needs training for using the potty, holding a spoon, and sharing. NOT fake smiling, waving, and shaking her booty.

5.) Um, it’s not “talent” when you’re standing in the back doing the same stupid dance that she’s doing on stage.

6.) Thank you for teaching your two year old to be a Mean Girl. The world definitely needs more of them.

7.) And how about we DONT spray tan your 4 year old? Why don’t you just shower her with pesticide while you’re at it. Ya know, to get the bugs off. Creep.

8.) This isn’t going to help her “talk about Jesus to people” someday (yes, I heard someone use that as an excuse once). In fact, its probably not going to help her talk about anything with anyone someday. Except maybe the best way to lose 5 pounds in one day. Or something.

9.) So she didn’t win a gigantic crown. Don’t get all pissy at them or other people because of it. If you would have just put her in soccer she wouldn’t have had this problem. Put your two year old in a sport that allows EVERYONE to get a trophy. This is not the time to be competetive.

10.) They are KIDS. Not seals that jump through hoops. Not poodles that need pedicures. Not adults that need diets. Kids. Let her be the one that plays dress up. Let her put cowboy boots with a Cinderella nightgown. Let her be in the sun without thinking about tanning. Leave her eyebrows alone. She has the rest of her life to worry about plucking and waxing. Let her see things without false eyelashes obscuring her view. Let her see the world as her oyster, not her competition goshdangit.

Ugh. I honestly harbor so much anger at people that choose to exploit their children. I don’t mind sounding self-righteous about this because I believe 100% that this is WRONG. Exploitation bleeds into other realms like sports, music, acting, academics…as parents we need to be conscious about this trend and avoid it at all costs.

Ok, done with my soapbox. Head over to Mama Kat’s and read her pet peeve. Also, Amanda at Parenting By Dummies has a spot-on list as well!

34 thoughts on “My Big Fat Beef With Pageant Moms

  1. hilljean

    Haha yep! Its like being in another world seeing that kind of behavior and lifestyle!

  2. hilljean

    have to agree with every single word! in our town the local paper does a ‘most beautiful child’ feature every year and for about a month there is a photography booth in our local shopping centre for parents to get their child photographed. then we are subjected to pages and pages of pics of these children in the paper for us to vote on in varying age categories! it makes my head spin…who would set their kids up for that!!! by the 100’s of pics i think i may be a minority!? stopping by from the rdc linkup, nice to say hi.

  3. hilljean

    Hey! Thanks for the award ???? The only awards I ever got were in soccer, when I was like 5, so this is exciting! I’ll definitely try to live up to it ???? Thanks again!

  4. hilljean

    Total train wreck! I think all of those TLC shows are like train wrecks. Kate plus 8. Why? I think they all center around exploitation of somebody and our weird voyeuristic tendencies as human beings. I feel like I need to shower every time I watch something on that channel.

  5. hilljean

    OMG, I was totally on the same wavelength this week. I just posted something on my own blog about parents using their children as narcissistic extensions of themselves with the Toddlers and Tiaras freakshow as an example! It’s seriously one of the most disturbing shows ever. It’s not just the spray tans, but the wigs and fake teeth that completely freak me out!!! FAKE TEETH!!!!!

  6. hilljean

    I LOVE this post! Probably because I completely agree! ????

  7. hilljean

    I know! I think the same things of sports dads that drive their children nuts. Its just not about the kids at all. Totally about those parents making up for their own mediocrity.

  8. hilljean

    I totally remembered the teeth thing after I wrote this. Yah, that is so gross. Since when did loosing baby teeth become unattractive? I think its the cutest thing in the world when little kids lose their teeth.

  9. hilljean

    I think Pageant moms should be forced to stuff their bodies into their daughter’s tutu, have the tiara shoved on top of her head, and stand at a street corner holding a sign that says, “Living Vicariously Through My Daughter and doing a Shitty Job” (Did I type that out loud?) ???? Stop by and visit my post. Love to have u.

  10. hilljean

    love! perfect post. i will admit though…we watch toddlers and tiaras which probably is not a good thing to give the show but in our defense it is because it is like a friggin’ train wreck, you can’t help but watch.

  11. hilljean

    OMG! Pageant dads. Holy crap they are freaky. You are absolutely right!

  12. hilljean

    That’s terrible! Let me guess, it’s a small town? We used to live in a small town…which is considered the pitstop for Vegas…and besides going to Walmart for fun, people loved those pageants. I could not believe how much pageants defined that town! Its insane. Thanks for stopping by!

  13. hilljean

    No problem – I can’t wait to read your response! No pressure – I’m pretty sure anything you come up with will be very amusing and enlightening : )

  14. hilljean

    I cannot wait to read the other blogs. This is so funny and so spot on! Thank you! Thank you!

  15. hilljean

    And these are the reasons I don’t watch this show. These mothers are crazy, and I just feel bad for the little girls.

  16. hilljean

    WORD, from Joe Hayes. You crack me up all day long Hill! I only disagree on point 9. Only the winners get trophies! “If you ain’t first, you’re last.” -Ricky Bobby.

  17. hilljean

    It’s like a train wreck isn’t? I must admit that I like to watch Toddler and Tiaras and I have no clue why but that I like it and it is forever making me say OMG and showing me surprising new lows.

  18. hilljean

    By the way, since I thoroughly enjoy your blog so much, I’ve passed on my Overlord powers to you in my most recent post:

  19. hilljean

    I know, right?! I forgot to mention the teeth. Like its such a horrible thing for a KID to lose their baby teeth. And have gaps. Heaven forbid! Nothing like a six year old with veneers to cheer your day!

  20. hilljean

    Awesome list…I don’t watch that show because I would be too disgusted….it sounds awful

  21. hilljean

    I like your word choice. It does sound obscene. And yes! Just because you have a girl doesn’t mean she needs to think the sun rises and sets for her.

  22. hilljean

    Juicier peeve is a totally obscene phrase. And I totally agree with you on all of these points. I even think that non-pageant moms who turn their daughters into TOTAL PRINCESSES are kind of nuts.

  23. hilljean

    Girl, for real. Nothing like a self-esteem crushing peageant to build a happy, healthy adult – NOT. Oh and you forgot to add that it is apparently not okay with these people that their children go through the natural process of losing their baby teeth and they use the se false teeth for children to make them “look better”. Ugh! Hate thsi stuff.

  24. hilljean

    oh they are totally the worst & most annoying parents ever! when they “sit” in the audience and scream and do all the ridiculous motions that their kids are suppose to do. cant. stand. it! but then again, i too am guilty of watching the horrid train wreck. i’m completely fascinated that people think its a normal form of life ????

  25. hilljean

    I LOVED this list. Those women freak me out. However, the pageant DADS? Are the scariest species EVER….

  26. hilljean

    I know. I feel so terrible for those girls. How can you not grow up to be a selfish brat with that kind of experience? So sad.


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