Not BreastfeedingAug 21st


Hey guys, today I’m talking about something a little different. I got to contribute to an ebook put together by MAM, the popular baby brand. MAM asked bloggers to share real, nitty gritty stories about motherhood and I was excited to get a chance to talk about something that I still think about today.

Breastfeeding. Yes, even though my babies are done with that stage, I still remember. So here’s my story. I would love to hear some of yours as well!

Breastfeeding pin

I looked forward to breastfeeding long before I ever had a baby to nurse.

There is just something so special about a mom providing for her child in such a fundamental way. So when my daughter was born, I was sorely disappointed to discover that nursing was hard. I was not prepared for it to be painful, exhausting, and frustrating.

I almost gave up multiple times. After several months I finally found it to be “tolerable.” I nursed her until she was almost a year old.

Nursing surprised me yet again when my son was born two years later. Only this time, it was wonderful. I guess it has everything to do with the latch and what kind of eater you have on your hands…er, breasts.

My little guy could nurse like a champ. He loved eating, and I loved feeding. I reveled in being good at nursing and being the only one who could provide for him.

When he was five months old I began to experience some awful symptoms including hand numbness and weakness in my arms. I had to have two hand surgeries back to back, and was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis only a month later.

Those surgeries changed everything for my baby boy and I.

I was only given a few days to wean him. I would undergo surgery and take medication unsuitable for breastfeeding. In addition, I would not be able to use my hands for several months.

I cannot tell you how painful it was to wean. Oh yes, physically it hurt. My body was used to feeding an enthusiastic little consumer. It took a long time for the milk factory to shut down. When I came out of surgery my first thought was, “How am I still making milk?” The tell-tale stains on my hospital gown revealed a body craving to nurse.

More painful than swollen, leaky boobs, however, was the depression that ensued. I was astounded by the devastation I felt at not being able to provide for my son. I feared that we would no longer share the mother-child bond. That without nursing, I couldn’t be his mom.

As family stepped in to help with the bottle feedings, he and I would both be in tears. Sometimes I had to leave the room because it was so frustrating. I felt as if I was failing him as a mom.

I realize now how wrong those thoughts were. I know now that nursing, though wonderful, does not make or break a bond with a child. I learned that I could soothe him without nursing. That I was still his mom, even if I wasn’t his food source.

me and chaucer


My story is Chapter 6 in the MAM Blogger Real Parenting Guide. I encourage you to read other chapters and find out more about all the stuff, like the bottles, pacifiers and teethers that MAM makes to make the job of parenting easier.


Want to win a $100 Babies “R” Us gift card?


Leave a comment below answering the following question: “What’s the funniest thing you, or someone you know said while in labor?”


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This giveaway is open to US Residents age 18 or older. Winner will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail. You have 72 hours to get back to me, otherwise a new winner will be selected.


The Official Rules are available here.

This sweepstakes runs from 08/21/13-10/07/13.


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123 Responses to Not BreastfeedingAug 21st

  1. Kate August 21, 2013 at 11:50 am #

    My friend texted with her progress and that she was going to take a nap next. Her epidural was working wonderfully. A couple months earlier, I arrived at the hospital with that level of progress and my son was born naturally a few hours later. (I planned to have the epidural, but was too far along when I got there.) I laughed that she could even think of a nap because that was about the time I was just screaming GET HIM OUT OF ME!

  2. Keri August 21, 2013 at 12:33 pm #

    When my sister was in labor with her first child she got an epidural and it worked really well. It worked so well that she called all her coworkers at work to rave about her epidural and how great she felt. She then told us that she wanted to have shirts made that said “I love my edipural.” The nurse told her to be quiet and rest while she could…but she was laughing at how happy my sister was. 🙂

  3. Justina August 21, 2013 at 1:48 pm #

    Somewhere close to 24 hours into (non-medicated) labor with our first son, my sweet husband leaned in close to whisper some “encouraging” words. I opened my eyes and responded, “Stop breathing your hot breath on me!!!” 🙂 Getting ready to have our third in October…who knows what’ll come out of my mouth this time!

  4. Leslie chui August 21, 2013 at 4:08 pm #

    I’m not looking forward to the crazy things I just know I’m gonna say during labor! Haha. But I can’t wait to breastfeed and hope it comes pretty easily to me and my little baby

  5. One Frugal Girl August 21, 2013 at 8:20 pm #

    A nurse said rate your pain. I said a 9 when I was 5 centimeters upon admittance. She said ‘oh honey that’s cute. Get braced for it, you have no idea what’s coming.”

  6. One Frugal Girl August 21, 2013 at 8:24 pm #
    onefrugalgirl AT gmail DOT com

  7. Tiffany Neal August 21, 2013 at 10:24 pm #

    Great post! As for funny during labor….We had to drive about 40 minutes to the hospital, and I was in transition. But I told my husband “don’t drive too fast, I don’t want to get pulled over!!” When we arrived at the hospital he had to drag me out of the car into a wheelchair because labor was so intense, but I still insisted that he bring along the birth ball from the car so I could use it during labor. Ha! My daughter was born 20 minutes later.

  8. Candotche August 21, 2013 at 10:30 pm #

    Moments after pushing Hallie out, Joe came over to me and kissed my forehead and said, “lets have another one.” HE was completely serious. I on the other hand never wanted to do that again. Men.

  9. sandra August 22, 2013 at 5:18 am #

    i don’t remember what i said during labor!

  10. Kelly D August 22, 2013 at 7:08 am #

    I screamed after a nurse to bring me drugs please!

  11. Kelly D August 22, 2013 at 7:10 am #


  12. Nikki August 22, 2013 at 7:27 am #

    I honestly don’t remember what I said during labor but I know how you felt about not being able to breast feed…when my first was 5 weeks old I got a horrible breast infection and had to have a whole line of clogged milk ducts cut out. It was so horribly painful (worse than labor) as they had to cut out a whole line of clogged milk ducts and leave a gaping hole that I had to pack it with gauze everyday so it could heal from the inside out…yuck! But I felt like such crappy mom for not being able to breast feed & for awhile there not being able to take care of my son…so I get it. Needless to say I did not even attempt to breast feed my second son…and guess what? He’s the one that is never sick!

  13. Cynthia Martin August 22, 2013 at 10:06 am #

    My daughter had her daughter , my first grandchild (and according to my daughter, my last one!) and she had her naturally and most of her labor was spent in the tub. While she was in the middle of a contractions, she looked up at me and said “Mom, did you have contractions with me?” I just rubbed her back and said,”Why no, honey, those were just invented for you!” Precious memory!

  14. Mami2jcn August 22, 2013 at 6:18 pm #

    The funniest thing I remember saying to my husband: “Good thing I had an enema earlier!”

  15. Mami2jcn August 22, 2013 at 6:18 pm #


  16. courtney b August 23, 2013 at 6:29 am #

    i told my husband i was gonna stab him with a knife! lol

  17. courtney b August 23, 2013 at 6:32 am #


  18. Jessica To August 23, 2013 at 1:29 pm #

    When the afterbirth came out, I asked the doctor what the heck it was! I felt silly after that!

  19. amy pugmire August 23, 2013 at 11:59 pm #

    I broke my tailbone pushing but I thought It was a “toot” and I apologized to the drs and then they told me my tailbone popped and hadn’t passed gas. ha ha

  20. amy pugmire August 23, 2013 at 11:59 pm #


  21. Becca F August 27, 2013 at 3:32 am #

    When my mother was pregnant with me her water broke while she was painting my nursery. It was a Sunday so everyone was home. She went to my father and told him she was going into labor. He then proceeded to pack himself a snack and make some coffee. Then he asked if they would still go to church that day! I think that floored my mother.By the time we got there my mother was too late for my mother to have an epidural and I was born naturally within a few hours.

  22. Jessie C. August 27, 2013 at 10:05 pm #

    I am sure lots of swear and alien language came out from me at that moment. One thing I remember saying was yelling hubby to stop coaching me breathing.
    tcarolinep at gmail dot com

  23. Jessie C. August 27, 2013 at 10:05 pm #


  24. rachel August 28, 2013 at 8:53 am #

    “This is all YOUR fault!” Men…they seem to take the blame. haha

  25. Erika August 28, 2013 at 9:52 am #

    I can’t remember much of what I said during labor- but I was shocked when I thought it was a girl and they announced it was a boy!

    chambanachik at gmail dot com

  26. Katie K August 28, 2013 at 11:26 am #

    yelling at everyone to shut the hell up and go away lol

  27. Tamar August 29, 2013 at 6:36 pm #

    I went into labor 6 weeks early, so it wasn’t funny but was totally me, the workaholic, who said “I am leaving the hospital, I am going back to work until the baby is ready.” (I stayed and he came out the next day)

    actually, for my second, I told jokes the WHOLE time with my doctor and the staff about anything and everything. Wish I remembered what I said. That was a fun night 🙂

  28. JennS September 4, 2013 at 2:09 pm #

    I don’t know what other people said during labor, but I said “This is the grossest thing that has ever happened to me.”

  29. Wild Orchid September 5, 2013 at 6:40 pm #

    The funniest thing wasn’t so much what I said, but when my water broke at the hospital in front of my husband, I was laughing so hard at his facial expression and fluid just kept coming harder each time I laughed. I guess you had to be there!

    Thanks for the chance to win!
    wildorchid985 at gmail dot com

  30. Wild Orchid September 5, 2013 at 6:41 pm #


  31. Debra Ford September 8, 2013 at 12:37 pm #

    My husband wanted to know if I wanted to play cards. Only in hindsight is that funny. At the time I wanted to smack him.

  32. Tina M September 9, 2013 at 3:19 pm #

    I kept asking my hubby if I pooped

  33. JAnelle September 10, 2013 at 9:36 am #

    “I just pooped, didn’t I!”

  34. Joanna Reyes September 13, 2013 at 12:40 am #

    I was yanking my own IV by accident but thought it was the hubby lol I yelled at him for trying to cause me more pain haha O.o

  35. D SCHMIDT September 20, 2013 at 7:34 am #

    The funniest thing I said during labor is that I had just remembered the yogurts I had in the fridge were about to expire and I needed to go home to collect them.

  36. D SCHMIDT September 20, 2013 at 7:35 am #


  37. Anna Pry September 21, 2013 at 10:47 am #

    Me to my hubby: “Quick, hide my sandwich.” I was not going to listen to the hospital’s no food policy so I hid a sub in my hospital bag.

  38. corrie September 21, 2013 at 1:46 pm #

    i dont know YET! I am due in oct 31st with my first baby

  39. Cynthia C September 22, 2013 at 6:05 am #

    It was pretty awkward greeting the firemen EMT’s in training who were observing my natural childbirth

  40. Cynthia C September 22, 2013 at 6:06 am #


  41. Kim Ripley September 22, 2013 at 6:31 am #

    I farted really loud when I was pushing! lol

  42. kim h September 22, 2013 at 7:54 am #

    I don’t remember anything during my births

  43. Janice Cooper September 22, 2013 at 8:12 am #

    The funniest thing my friend said to her hubby during labor is I’m going to kill you when this is over

  44. Janice Cooper September 22, 2013 at 8:13 am #

  45. Scott Martin September 22, 2013 at 9:02 am #

    My wife said, “Get this doctor out of here. He doesn’t know what he is doing!” He has been her OBGYN for years and delivered our first baby.

  46. stephanie September 22, 2013 at 2:22 pm #

    telling me to calm down

  47. stephanie September 22, 2013 at 2:22 pm #

    tweet: .

  48. Dana September 22, 2013 at 4:01 pm #

    does it hurt?

  49. Dana September 22, 2013 at 4:03 pm #


  50. mickeyfan September 22, 2013 at 7:10 pm #

    My son was hung up inside me, and hubby leaned over to me and said “Doc is going for the salad fork thingies” (forceps).

  51. Christy Marie September 22, 2013 at 8:01 pm #

    The funniest thing I said was I have to go #2! I guess I wasn’t much in the mood for laughter. Thanks for the giveaway!

  52. Christy Marie September 22, 2013 at 8:08 pm #

    I tweeted:

  53. Amy Tong September 25, 2013 at 1:02 pm #

    The funniest thing my friend said while in labor was, “will you get out now?” then her hubby was going to leave the room….but she called him back right the way and said, not you, I’m talking to our baby! LOL

    amy [at] utry [dot] it

  54. Amy Tong September 25, 2013 at 1:03 pm #


    amy [at] utry [dot] it

  55. Melinda September 27, 2013 at 6:38 am #

    Someone I know said, “Please don’t let me poop on the table”

  56. Sean September 27, 2013 at 6:41 am #

    no deliveries for us yet, and guys dont really talk about this, so I have no idea.

    seanm1999 at hotmail dot com

  57. Allie September 27, 2013 at 9:33 pm #

    I don’t remember saying anything funny during labor. I was pretty drugged up so who knows.

  58. Denise S September 28, 2013 at 11:55 am #

    A nurse threatened to leave me to give birth alone and I said, “Fine, but I won’t know how to cut the cord.”

  59. Debbie B September 28, 2013 at 4:53 pm #

    i’m afraid its been too long ago for me to remember!

  60. Debbie B September 28, 2013 at 4:55 pm #

    i posted a tweet:

  61. Rebecca Graham September 29, 2013 at 1:51 am #

    I had two C-sections so I had no funny comments during labor.

  62. meredith September 29, 2013 at 4:28 pm #

    You hear a lot of funny things working in the hospital on labor deck – best was ” its like a hurricane” in reference to labor

  63. meredith September 29, 2013 at 4:29 pm #

  64. joni September 30, 2013 at 8:49 pm #

    I was so upset that they were going to have to do an emergency c-section, I said the “f” word and I never never swear. My hubby was so embarrassed, but we laugh about it now.

  65. BusyWorkingMama October 2, 2013 at 11:48 am #

    I wanted complete silence during labor. I threatened to kick my husband out of the delivery room for breathing too loudly.

  66. Shannon October 3, 2013 at 7:05 pm #

    I didn’t say anything funny but I looked pretty funny…I was a hot mess walking those hallways and I couldn’t have cared less!

  67. Stephanie Larison October 3, 2013 at 7:17 pm #

    I was induced with my daughter and I was lying there in the hospital bed when I heard a huge pop sound from inside. It scared the hell out of me, and I jumped to sit up in the bed and said to the nurse in there “oh my god, either you just opened a pop, or I just popped”. She started laughing and came over, sure enough it was me. 🙂

  68. steph October 3, 2013 at 8:23 pm #

    “get me a sandwich”

  69. tina reynolds October 4, 2013 at 6:43 am #

    During my first I was asking for other ways to get the baby out that didn’t hurt like new procedures 🙂

  70. tina reynolds October 4, 2013 at 7:26 am #

  71. Betty C October 4, 2013 at 12:28 pm #

    When my last baby (the 5th) was born I told my husband early in the morning “Just drop me off at the hospital on your way to work.” That would have been okay but the doctor examined me and told me to go home, it was too soon. So I called my DH and had him pick me up at the front door. We drove the 3 miles home and and I told I wasn’t getting out of the car. Take me back. My son was born 10 minutes after I got back to the hospital.

  72. Erica Best October 5, 2013 at 12:07 pm #

    a friend said “Mid pushing I asked if I was pooping. I was so scared to poop on my baby.”

  73. Michelle S October 5, 2013 at 2:42 pm #

    Not really “funny”, but as soon as my little one came out I asked my husband if she had a lot of hair (bc I had heartburn the entire pregnancy).

  74. Tabathia B October 5, 2013 at 3:40 pm #

    Probably that I was having hot flashes, I was so hot and the nurse had to turn on the fan
    tbarrettno1 at gmail dot com

  75. Tabathia B October 5, 2013 at 3:46 pm #


    tbarrettno1 at gmail dot com

  76. Brittney House October 5, 2013 at 11:19 pm #

    “You’re going to clean that up, right?”

  77. Karen Drake October 6, 2013 at 4:48 am #

    My sister demanded chocolate icecream.

  78. Julia October 6, 2013 at 8:48 am #

    Someone said “are you sure you want an epidural?”
    You can guess the response, more than 20 hours in…

  79. gina October 6, 2013 at 8:59 am #

    I dont remember saying anything particularly funny in labor, but when our son was born my overzealous husband accidently cut the cord on the wrong side of the clamp because the doc looked away for a second and I remember jokingly telling him the baby was only here for mere seconds and he was already putting him in harms way.

  80. Ellie W October 6, 2013 at 1:14 pm #

    The only funny thing I remember saying while in labor was that I was never going through this again. And that was while I was in labor with the first of my three sons. I obviously did go through that again

  81. Ellie W October 6, 2013 at 1:15 pm #


  82. Kerry October 6, 2013 at 1:24 pm #

    It’s not really what I said, but what I did with the cool rag my hubby was using to “sooth” me. I didn’t want anyone touching me with all of the pain I was in. So I grabbed the rag from him and slapped him with it:)

  83. Bruce October 6, 2013 at 4:56 pm #

    I don’t recall anything funny about it

  84. Lauren Harmon October 6, 2013 at 5:53 pm #

    While my sister was in Labor with my niece she had advanced quicker than her nurses thought she would and they were telling her to literally “hold the baby in” until the doctor got there… Right before the doctor walked in my sister was yelling “WHERE IS MY DOCTOR? I’M PUSHING AND HAVING THIS BABY WITH OR WITHOUT HER.” It cracked us all up because that is SO unlike my sister.

  85. CharityS October 6, 2013 at 5:58 pm #

    All I wanted was a Pepsi & pizza.

  86. CharityS October 6, 2013 at 6:00 pm #

  87. becki m October 6, 2013 at 7:05 pm #

    The funny thing happened on the way to the induction. When my husband turned on the car – Salt n Pepa’s “Push It” was playing. It became the theme of my very short labor that lead to a c-section.

    Now during my second (planned) c-section the baby was taken out and my husband immediately said “Luke…I am your father”

    yes. we named him Luke, just so my husband could say that.

  88. Brianna October 6, 2013 at 7:10 pm #

    I needed my hair in a ponytail and my husband couldn’t do it. I sadt “If you can’t do a ponytail then you can get out!” lol. Poor hubby,he’s never done a ponytail in his life!

  89. Sarah B October 6, 2013 at 7:11 pm #

    I just remember the nurses saying how fast it was going – that’s all.

  90. Jessica October 6, 2013 at 7:15 pm #

    Looking back the funniest thing said during my labor was said by my husband. At the time I didn’t think it was funny but looking back I do now.
    Me @ 4:44 am Honey, wake up! My water just broke!!!!!!!”
    My husband ” Are you sure?”
    I mean really? Lol am I sure?

  91. Erica C. October 6, 2013 at 7:15 pm #

    I don’t have any good stories!

  92. Ruth j October 6, 2013 at 7:23 pm #

    After a long painful csection I said everyone just leave I will finish this myself!

  93. Cynthia L October 6, 2013 at 7:32 pm #

    The only thing I could say to the valet who parked the cars at Labor & Delivery Unit was ‘Sorry’ as I handed him my keys….my water had broken and I drove myself to the hospital so there was a puddle in the drivers seat. It’s one of those funny later stories. ; )

  94. Rhanda October 6, 2013 at 7:33 pm #

    I went in for a csection, one of the nurses walked up to my husband and asked him if he was prepared for all this. He told her that he believes he could handle it. About the time the dr started to pull my son out, that same nurse fell to the floor. She had passed out temporarily due to the fact that she was unable to handle it. 😉

  95. Mihaela Day October 6, 2013 at 9:16 pm #

    My husband kept saying “I am sorry baby…” with each contraction…he was panicking

  96. Gianna October 6, 2013 at 10:01 pm #

    I remember being told to try to hold the baby in until the doctor got there. Yeah right!

  97. Betty C October 7, 2013 at 12:37 am #

    Tweet –

  98. melikegarfield October 7, 2013 at 4:13 am #

    I still remember when my sister in law grabbed my brother’s hand during labor and screamed: “I want your finger off so you can feel my pain”. She grabbed his hand (with his wedding ring) so hard it swelled up for days.

  99. Sky Kory October 7, 2013 at 5:02 am #

    The funniest thing I heard someone say was to “turn off the lights”! Lol!

  100. Angelyn October 7, 2013 at 6:22 am #

    When I told my hubby that my water had broken, he said, “Are you sure you didn’t just pee yourself?” I was sure!! Thanks for the sharing your heart and the giveaway!

  101. Maria Iemma October 7, 2013 at 6:48 am #

    My husband kept saying “It’s taking too long” during the 30 hour labor with my first son. I am not sure what he thought it was going to be like but I was sick and tired of his saying it. Finally I told him “I am not a pez dispenser, please leave the room”!!

  102. Maria Iemma October 7, 2013 at 6:49 am #

  103. Shea Balentine October 7, 2013 at 7:54 am #

    A close friend, after giving birth.. I walked in the room to see the new baby.. as soon as I walked in, I was told “NEVER AGAIN!” lol

  104. susan smoaks October 7, 2013 at 7:59 am #

    My friend told her husband that she hated him because he had done this to her. it was hilarious!

    susansmoaks at gmail dot com

  105. Shea Balentine October 7, 2013 at 8:00 am #

    My tweet is here:

  106. Leah Shumack October 7, 2013 at 8:34 am #

    During labor? Nothing as I had an emergency c-section so it all went by quickly but I was told over and over that I’d have a small baby. When they pulled her out my midwife was like OMG she’s HUGE!! Was almost 9 lbs

  107. angie lilly October 7, 2013 at 9:40 am #

    I don’t have any children, but I have lots of funny labor or right after labor stories from my family. One story from my hubby’s side is that after my mom-in-law gave birth to my bro-in-law she didn’t remember a thing. She told the nurse when she brought him in to see her that it wasn’t her baby, she was still pregnant. LOL Hope this story can count!

  108. Amanda Sakovitz October 7, 2013 at 10:56 am #

    My cousin kept saying she wanted an italian sub as soon as possible!

  109. Amanda Sakovitz October 7, 2013 at 10:57 am #

  110. Thomas Murphy October 7, 2013 at 1:49 pm #

    My wife said she was taking a long vacation by herself!

  111. Thomas Murphy October 7, 2013 at 1:50 pm #

  112. amanda whitley October 7, 2013 at 3:28 pm #

    i dont have any funny stories:( or maybe i said some funny stuff i just dont remember since i was so exhausted giving birth at 2 am.

  113. Sarah L October 7, 2013 at 4:36 pm #

    No kids. No funny story. I want to win this for my friend’s grand daughter and her new baby.
    Thanks for the contest.

  114. Sarah L October 7, 2013 at 4:45 pm #

  115. Betty October 7, 2013 at 5:29 pm #

    I was so busy breathing thru contractions – can’t remember anything funny being said.

  116. Betty October 7, 2013 at 5:31 pm #


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