The Second Time Mom

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The first time mom is better than the second time mom…I’m just gonna let that sit with you for a minute.

That’s right. I’m positive I was a better mom to my first-born infant than to my second-born infant.

The first time around, I paid attention. I hit the books, I read the labels, I scourged the internet. All in the name of doing things right.

Second time around–I got–busy? Lazy? Overconfident? Yes, that’s what it was—overconfident. Certainly not lazy.

Certainly not.

You don’t need to read What To Expect more than once. You already know what to expect–why remind yourself?

Well, apparently you should remind yourself. You know, to be good a mom and all.

I’ve had two major failures in the last few weeks with the little guy. Both failures involved food. So I paid for it. Oh yes, I paid for it.

Failure numero uno: Giving a baby milk before they’re a year old. There is a reason why you should wait. There are twenty diapers worth of reasons why you should wait. I just figured my Incredible Hulk of a baby could handle it.

I mean, the kid rolled over at 10 days, crawled at 5 months, and was walking at 10 months. At 11 months I was sure the arbitrary 30 days wouldn’t matter as far as milk goes.

Alas. It did.

What we got was a diaper rash that nightmares are made of. Searing arrows of guilt penetrated my heart with the twenty diaper changes I had to give him that day. It got to be so bad that he would bawl as soon as he saw the diaper in my hand.

Mom Fail. Major mom fail.

***

Mom Fail Numero Dos: Giving a baby popcorn. (*see list of bragging rights as to reasons I would introduce such a food to the Incredible Hulk.) Giving a baby popcorn because I didn’t want to move my lazy butt off of the couch to get a more appropriate snack for the little mooch.

And no, I did not Google it.

But I paid for it. Oh man.

A 0-4 month old baby has “gas.” Sad gas that makes everyone around them sad. A 6-12 month old baby has funny gas. Gas that sounds and smells like adult gas but is much more socially accepted and well received.

My poor baby had sad gas the other night. But it wasn’t sad in the 0-4 month sort of way. It was like dying baby dolphin sort of sad.

I held him for two hours as he farted away in my arms. With each one he jerked his body into a ramrod position and arched his back like he was having contractions. It’s probably the closest he’ll ever get to childbirth, and he won’t even remember it. What an utterly useless experience.

I rocked him, he farted, I bounced him, he farted. I sang, he farted.

Finally, after two hours of violent farting, he farted himself to sleep.

And then I put on a sack cloth, laid on a bed of nails, and rubbed ash all over my face.

I felt like such a bad mom. Major, major mom fail.

I learned my lesson. I’m hitting the books, upping the uptight, and going hardcore. We’re gonna be “by-the-book” sort of people from now on.

Please forgive me, sweet boy.

 

29 thoughts on “The Second Time Mom

  1. hilljean

    There are so many perks to being the first born child. I am just glad that I had a boy second, because I doubt he’ll hold it all against me like a girl would. If it were me, I’d milk the guilt for all it was worth ????

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  2. hilljean

    Oh thank you! I would love to guest post ???? Yah, everything changes with the second kid. It totally redesigns the family routine/vibe. I guess you just have to know that going in, but nothing really prepares you for those life changes.
    I’m on Twitter but I am a terrible tweeter. I just don’t get on that often but it is a goal of mine to be better ???? my name is @thehilljean.

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  3. hilljean

    Maybe it will be the opposite. Maybe you’ll be super conscious of everything this time. You’ve already done it once before, and then (if you’re like me) you screwed up the second time, so third time is really the charm!

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  4. hilljean

    Thanks! I’ve been on a losing streak lately–hopefully it will turn around now that I’m more aware of it.

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  5. hilljean

    I think I did things like that with Alexa that I never did with Ava. I’m now wondering what crazy things I’ll do with baby #3. I might have to bookmark this post to remind myself to “follow the book.” And I also loved the farted himself to sleep line. Classic! Poor little adorable boy!

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  6. hilljean

    Ha! I already think my little guy is WAY more laid back than his older sis. I just don’t know how much of that is due to him being the second, or the fact that she’s a girl. Either way, he’s had quite a different start in life than she did!

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  7. hilljean

    Your poor little guy. But hey butt rash and sad farts are much better then choking or having some sort of allergic reaction to milk. I think you did ok.

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  8. hilljean

    You are an AWESOME mom…..maybe not perfect none of us are….
    But you are a loveing,caring,dedicated,and special mama!!!!!!!!!!
    Mimi

    Reply
  9. hilljean

    Hahahah! Well, at least you were aware of the potential dangers. I come from a family of six kids, so you’d think I would be familiar with it. Neither of my kids have baby books, though, so that’s something.

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  10. hilljean

    I didn’t even read the books the first time around – no wonder I’m having so many MOM FAIL moments! Maybe I’ll wise up in time to save a second child the torture I’ve inflicted on the first. Maybe.

    Reply
  11. hilljean

    I can relate to being a better mom the first time around. The second child definitely gets the short end of the “hyperactive parenting” stick. Thanks for reminding me that my daughter isn’t the only one suffering from Second Time Mom Syndrome.

    Reply
  12. hilljean

    Aww poor thing! I know that feeling all too well. But weird thing…popcorn didn’t affect my son that way. But I will definitely keep this in mind for when Diva gets around that age

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  13. hilljean

    When my wife and I were expecting our second, I proudly exclaimed:

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  14. hilljean

    This post is hilarious! You are a great writer…come guest post for me anytime you want. I’m going to be a 2nd time mom soon and I have a feeling, I’ll be commiting my own major mom fails. I’m scared because we are in such a groove with my son and I know once #2 comes that all is going to hell in a handbasket.
    PS: Are you on Twitter??

    Reply
  15. hilljean

    I know I am guilty of this too. However, my boys are now 16 + 14, and the 14 is way more laid back and easy going so maybe there is a correlation. I love you blog! I shall be back.

    Reply
  16. hilljean

    Candace, you’re so conscientious. I doubt you’ll do anything dumb like I did. But, either way, now you know, huh?

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  17. hilljean

    HILARIOUS story! But still just the right amont of sad… LOL Love yourblog title and your writing, good luck with the by the book stuff, it gets faster and faster… xoxo

    Reply
  18. hilljean

    Yah…weird, huh? I didn’t think anything like that would occur but it was the only abnormal thing in his diet that day. And I read that it’s difficult to digest–so that’s probably what did it. Pop!

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  19. hilljean

    Hehe. I actually was kinda anti-books before my first born came into the world. But then, when she got here, I didn’t know what the heck to do with her! I think my own fear of doing something wrong prevented me from being lax about diet etc. But with this guy? Well, he could pack a double double from In n Out, so I dont know. Hard to say.

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  20. hilljean

    Oh, poor momma! Reassure yourself that we all make mistakes with them, no matter what number in line they fall.

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  21. hilljean

    Poor chaucer, but I couldn’t help laugh tho the way you wrote it. Hey this is good to know about the 2nd time around tho.

    Reply
  22. hilljean

    “dying baby dolphin”??When I think of something sad i never think of a dying baby dolphin but now that you mention that its soo sad! You are a great mom Hill! Chuacer was probably just squeezin them out so he could get more attention from you and have you keep rocking him:)

    Reply
  23. hilljean

    Oh thank you! I laughed a few times that night–in between the feeling bad that I’m a terrible mama part–but yah, I guess it could be much worse, huh?

    Reply
  24. hilljean

    I heard that popcorn is really hard to digest. And I’m positive it was that because it was the only “out of the ordinary” food I gave him that day. And…sad as it was, it was a little humorous at times as well ????

    Reply
  25. hilljean

    But rash and sad farts. Yep, I guess that’s what this post was about. Why does that strike me as hilarious?

    Reply

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