I kinda hate summer. Not gonna lie. I’ve never really been a fan of heat, shorts, or public pools. Even as a little kid I always preferred the structure of fall and winter to the supposed freedom of summer. What a strange child I was.
I’m still strange, and the reasons for disliking this miserable season have multiplied. Times two hundred. For one, crop tops are awful and two, kids are so annoying in the summer!
They just wanna DO stuff. All day long. And they’re all grouchy cause it’s hot and sticky outside, but they don’t have the sense to understand that they should stay inside and SIT. Or better yet, sleep. The nerve of these kids.
So every day we have this tug-of-war battle with the great outdoors. I go round and round trying to convince them that yah, your feet are burning because its a eleventy million degrees out here and no, it’s not very fun to singe the peach fuzz off your sweet little behind going down this fiery thing we once knew as a slide.
If only I could get them to stay inside where it’s air-conditioned and read books all day. Or color. Or, gasp! play house or something. But my kids aren’t like that. No, they’re what you would call “high maintenance.” They need to be active. All the time. So instead of playing with their nice little Melissa and Doug kitchen like ordinary children they’re jumping from coffee-table to couch to chair and banging their extremities along the way.
Waaaah! I hurt my knee! Waaaah! Chaucer bonked my head! Waaaaah! Coco push me!
Well duh, you fools. This is my living room not your freaking gymnasium. Sheesh.
The weather forecast confirms my belief that summer is of the devil and it doesn’t look like it’ll be letting up for, oh, I don’t know…months! I guess I need to come up with some activities, preferably constructive ones, that keep them from
ruining my couch hurting themselves.
Of course I turned to Pinterest for inspiration. And of course, I found that–plus Mason jars full of guilt. According to Pinterest, there is an overwhelming progression of ambitious, make everyone else look terrible, overachieving mommies out there. Yep, these ladies are bumping it up a notch or ten by creating all these activities and crafts and science experiments that contrive to make the rest of us look bad.
Ok, maybe I’m just borrowing an unnecessary guilt trip. Pinterest makes me feel this way about everything from how I use my baking soda to how I bake my cupcakes. Sigh. But that’s off topic. I don’t want to knock anyone that’s trying their darndest to be the best possible mom she can be. Cause I know you’re out there, and you’re enthusiastic, and you’re just the best. I mean that 100% true blue, no sarcasm here. I’m just not really that mom, so allow me this little soapbox for the sake of my blog post, mkay?
This is for all the lazy, tired underachievers. I’ve created a list of activities that will keep your children entertained indoors. And better yet, they’ll entertain you!