When I had two kids in diapers it made sense to expedite the whole potty training thing. I could not afford the poop. Literally. It cost me like at least $.15 per bowel movement! {Ok, I have no idea how much each diaper cost. I’m guessing here, ok?} And I like to say “bowel movement” whenever I can because it makes me think of my weird, beloved Grandma Shirley who always reported her BMs like a weather reading.
I hustled my butt (and Coco’s) into gear. We tackled potty training with as much force and gusto as we could muster. You can read about how I did it right here.
Seriously, no one prepared me for the emotional toll of cleaning up pee for the zillionth time in a single day. It will make you want to be committed.
Potty training was not easy over here. And I did everything by the book! I’m not gonna tell you which book, but rest assured I followed the demned thing! And you know what? It didn’t really work. Well, it sorta did, but not in the amount of time promised.
Oh well. We got through, albeit a bit damaged. I still can’t look at a bottle of Lysol without choking down a squeamish sob. Traumatizing. Absolutely traumatizing. And she won’t get off the toilet until I’ve kissed her on the cheek. She still needs that ever cloying “Well done, darling!” I expect it will be one of those things that shows up in therapy later on when the doctor will ask why she cannot flush the toilet until she’s been kissed by her mother….It’s getting weirder by the second, isn’t it?
So the little dude is turning 2 tomorrow. And I’m no where NEAR ready to potty train him. It’s not because he’s not ready. It is because I am not ready. I have no doubt that were I to dedicate 4-5 days to exclusive training, my son would be a pro. Heck, I bet he could do it standing up, that’s how confident I am in his ability.
But my ability? I have no confidence that I won’t just shut down, curl into fetal position, and rock back and forth for three days straight at the sight of an “accident.” Because, I. Can’t. Do. It.
I can’t.
1.) I can’t be all chipper and positive and “Here’s a skittle!” when pee is everywhere. I’m just too darned scarred from last time.
2.) I’m not ready for the “stockpile” of paper towels to be purchased. That and the four hundred pairs of spiderman underwear he’ll need. I learned that last time: You can NEVER have too much spare undies.
3.) I threw away the toilet. Not our toilet, but the training one. It was another thing that triggered a gag reflex for me and so instead of acting responsible and blasting it with Lysol–I chickened out and chucked it.
No big deal, really. But I have to go buy one. Or something.
4.) I don’t have the time. No really, I don’t. Now that Coco’s in school our day gets consolidated into about three time slots that demand our (my) action. I have no doubt that were I to begin training, Chaucer would use those specific time slots to have his major BMs. No doubt.
5.) I can’t really handle having the “rewards” lying around my house. No, I’m not talking about poop, I’m talking about Skittles and MnM’s and jelly beans. I know that may sound like a really shallow reason but if you heard about my foibles with the Evil Candy Corn you might agree that this is a safe move for me.
Alas, my beloved pocketbook jars me out of my shell shock. The negative ticks of each giant jumbo freaking superpack of Huggies acts like a glass of cold water in my face.
What? You mean I have to pay $41 for my son to poop all month? Shoot! My Chinese neighbors use crotchless pants on their little one. Kinda different, but basically they just intercept each BM with a quick run to the toilet.
What is wrong with America?? Snap out of it, Hillary! Get with the program! The Chinese program, preferably. Cause they’re also not buying any spiderman underwear.
Linking up over here today:
Good ol’ Grandma Shirley. I don’t feel pressured a bit. I just don’t want to go through the hassle.
Hmmm, I’d forgotten the trauma of training the older ones by the time I had the current baby (“current baby” sounds wrong – but “last baby” and “latest baby” sounded worse). I probably should’ve thought this through better – maybe I’ll wait until she’s a teenager and she can train herself.
I pushed my oldest too. And it was painful. I didn’t push my youngest at all and she potty trained herself, basically, just after 2. Unbelievable -the difference!
Yep. I’ve seen that all too much. I know people that are training their infant. Their infant. I have no idea why anyone would go to that much trouble!
I’m no where near the potty training stage with my daughter, as she’s not even a year but I know you can’t rush it. From what I’ve heard, there a lot less BMs and pee everywhere if they’re ready and willing, as opposed to when it’s forced. I know someone now who’s trying to force her too-young daughter into potty training and I can tell she’s just not there yet.
I HATE potty training…mostly because I suck at it. Seriously, it was one of the hardest things I did – and at age three we are still not out of the thorns of it with my son (see I wasn’t lying when I told you I suck at it). The pee on the floor, the poop that gets stuck on the underware (this is why I had to stock up on underware, because there were just too many times I was NOT going to wash those suckers), the constant laundry, the fact I was afraid to go out in public during the potty training period….yep, it rates right up there with gouging your eyeball out with a spoon. It is also one of the main reasons we are NOT having any more children…I just don’t think I could muster up enough strength to do it all over again.
Hahaha! That first paragraph about Grandma Shirley was too much! Back when I potty-trained your oldest brother, I felt so pressured to do it in record-time, as if my “mothering-ability” depended on how early and well I potty-trained. So sad : As someone wisely pointed out later – you don’t see many adults walking around in diapers…so what’s the panic about? I relaxed with the rest of you and didn’t equate quickness of potty-training with anything… other than fewer diapers to deal with:)
Yes! It’s good to tuck this sort of advice away because you would not believe how quickly the time sneaks up on you! I know people that have trained their babies and I am just in awe. A horrible awe. I hear that boys are more difficult too, so I’m factoring that into the timing for my little guy!
Ug! WE are doing this RIGHT NOW…not too strict or anything, but he’s 2 and something and kind of gets it. We’ve tried a couple of different rewards based things, and those don’t work. Reality and just do it seems to work, well, kind of.
I know. When we were training Coco my husband had to run to Target and buy another 24 pairs of underwear, because all of her panties were in the wash. RIDICULOUS! No one tells you that you’ll need 400 panties to start with.
Maybe some kids are just more ready than others? I don’t know. For some kids it’s just the easiest thing in the world, and then for others its not only difficult, it’s emotionally exhausting! I remember my daughter would just cry and cry at the end of the day because she was so sick of doing it. Now I wonder what the heck I was doing pushing her so hard!
[…] highlighted here, I just don’t enjoy potty-training. At […]
I might just wait til he’s like 5. Potty training is every bit as difficult as having a newborn! I dread doing either of them again!
It really is traumatic, huh? I have no idea when we’ll be ready but it ain’t soon! I think we’ll most likely wait til he’s close to 3 as well.
{Melinda} It’s been a while (9 years to be exact) since those days for me, but believe me the trauma is still fresh. My son was almost 3 before he was potty-trained, so don’t sweat it! You’ll know when the time is right — for you and him.
Seriously. I can’t believe the body count of underwear we went through with Nora. It’s like- really? Nine pairs a day and we’re OUT?
Good post!! My son is just 8 months old, so it’s interesting to learn about this stuff, because I’ll be experiencing it soon!! More and more I’ve been hearing that pushing kids to potty train early isn’t the way to go, thanks for more info!! ????
Ha! This is cracking me up because I was about to pull my hair out when I tried to potty train my daughter. It was terrible! Then I finally took a break (a.k.a. Gave Up) and she started taking herself to the toilet all ladeeda no big deal. Good Luck ????
Sorry I’m just now getting back to you! Our computer broke and it was so hard to get into the comments on my phone :/ Anyways, I’ve heard of this phenomenon (kids training themselves) happening before. In fact, my niece kind of did that. It really is about the timing and when you introduce it. I know we are no where near ready for that!
Oh…I am so sorry. You are in the trenches, girl! Yes, I guess the best thing is sticktoitness. But it definitely gets ugly!