What is your knee-jerk reaction to a compliment? Do you respond with a polite thank you? Or do you act as if someone has just said something shocking and vile?
I know people who would rather eat their own vomit than accept a compliment. They simply cannot fathom the praise, and immediately come up with fifty different reasons why it could not be true.
There are many reasons for people to react in such a way. I have a friend who says she doesn’t like to dress up because whenever she does people notice and compliment her. Huh? She doesn’t like the attention, and would rather go unnoticed than accept any affirmation.
Because to receive a complement, means you have to counter it with a bunch of non-related crap to drag it down again.
“Are you sure I don’t look fat?” always follows a compliment given to my sister or myself. We put all this time and thought into an ensemble, and then sully the whole thing by a subversive undercut.
“If only I had lost five pounds…”
“I just can’t stand my hair right now.”
“My skin looks terrible!”
I think this clip from Mean Girls really showcases what I’m talking about here.
No matter how enlightened, intelligent, or accomplished we are, we women struggle with self perception and self worth.We have each of us been subjected to the impossible standards set by Hollywood and the media. This is how we deconstruct: There is no formula, merely answer as many as you agree with and see where you come out standing.
This is why you’ll still see people sporting 80’s style haircuts, or belly-button swallowing mom jeans. It looked good once upon a time, and staying current is just too demanding, overwhelming, and unattainable. So folks fall into a rut and pull the boxed sides in around themselves to thwart off anything new. Anything different. Anything resembling attention.
Afraid of drawing any sort of attention to themselves {positive or otherwise}, these women stick to their rusty old guns and try to just blend into the fabric of the world. They do this better without giant floral prints or ugly christmas sweaters, but hey, to each their own.
3.The third sort of girl is who I identify with.
I believe that this dodging compliments, avoiding changing fashion trends, and giving up on ourselves is the direct result of a lack of self-confidence. Have you ever been around someone who is truly confident of themselves? I’m not talking like being around a beauty queen or diva, I mean a woman who is comfortable and confident in her own skin.
Several such women come to my mind and not a single one of them is necessarily drop-dead gorgeous. They’re beautiful in a refreshingly real way. They enjoy current trends but are not slaves to style. Neither are they in bikini-competition shape. They come in all shapes and sizes and don’t engage in that fit of self-loathing we are all so used to hearing and exhibiting. They are beautiful on the inside and out. They are gracious. They are confident.
They are simply beautiful in their own selves.
This is what I want for me and my daughter. This is what I want for my mom, sisters, and friends. This is what I want for you!
I want you to join myself and my buddy Natalia from MaNouvelleMode in this new movement.
Be YOU, BeYOUtiful.
Each week, she and I will be posting on this subject covering various topics and subject matter. Throughout the week, we hope to see activity and interaction on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. We want you to use this hashtag #BeYOUBeyoutiful link up something meaningful there.
Each week there will be a different challenge on the subject, for embrace the part of you that you KNOW to be beautiful. It’s going to be uncomfortable at first but eventually it should stick (we hope!)
Lets be the kind of women who are comfortable in our own skin. Lets be the sort of people who radiate true beauty from the inside and out. Let’s have fun and be confident in fashion! Don’t worry, we don’t have to “fix” everything at once. That is why we are having a series, to walk us all through the steps to achieve confidence and Beauty–true beauty.
Now, to kick off the exercise I want you to leave me a comment answering this question:
What feature/asset do you enjoy about yourself? Do you have gorgeous eyes? Are you blessed with clear skin? Do you have pretty feet? Share! Remember, this is a safe place and no one will fault you with vanity. If they do, I will personally kick them in the arse, mkay? Now go!
I love my legs. I do think I owe it to my parents, who repeated a million times during my teenage years that I had nice legs until it stuck to my head and now I really believe it. I also like my smile.
Good for them! Good legs never go out of style–so that is a nice attribute to have!
[…] we’ve been discussing in the BeYouBeYOUtiful posts. In case you missed those you can read the first one right here and the second one […]
I just read all these comments and then came upon Esther…we are in the same boat in eyes and taking compliments…with that being said, thanks hill for the compliment!
I was going to say my eyes are pretty cool, the cashier at Old Navy commented on them today. I told Kristen, “I forget about my eyes all the time and then people randomly say something and it takes me by surprise. I am NOT good at taking compliments…I’m excited about this series of posts. You are what I classify as BeYOUtiful…I’ve thought that since the first time I met you 13 years ago. Love you.
Yes, that sounds just like me! I also forget, and then I am taken off guard, and then say something really lame instead of just, “hey, thanks!”.
I’m the number one kind of girl… I just got rid of the clothes I wore in junior high. They still fit after all ???? I am finally trying to figure out what “women” wear and I am going crazy!
But I like my eyes – they change colors depending on what I’m wearing, ranging from hazel to chocolate brown.
I have really good hair. God graced me with good hair. And I have pretty good skin too. Of course now I want to say “but” and say negative things but I’m going to refrain. LOVE this movement!! ????
I’ve seen your lovely hair and your lovely skin in person. Yes–they are beautiful features! You forgot though that you have a contagious smile and a beautiful face. But I won’t fault you for not listing it. Thank you so much for joining the movement! Now document it on Instagram!
This is exactly the post I needed on a sluggish Monday morning. Thanks.
You should totally flaunt them! Muscular legs are my favorite ???? I have them too. Not really in shape right now, but if I work out for two days I’ve got muscles popping out all over them. I inherited them from my dad and i am very thankful ????
I have beautiful hands. I have really long, slender fingers, and I get comments from people all the time – even complete strangers. Along with the hands I inherited strong nails from my Mum. ????
That’s wonderful! Take a picture of them and post on Instagram! We’d love to see your pretty hands ???? Thank you so much for sharing!
I am with Elaine A. I will tell you, but I want to tell you first all the things that I don’t like. What’s up with that? I have pretty eyes and a good smile.
Come on…now can’t I give you all the yucky stuff? This is hard. Good grief…what am I teaching my girls? Great topic! Can’t wait to hear more!
Seriously–it’s harder than you think, huh? This is why it is so important that we combat the negativity by celebrating our strengths. Embrace your BeYOUtiful!
I love my hair, the only time I accept a complement is when it’s based on my hair. Lets face it after two kids and the 60 lbs I gained while being pregnant the only thing still the same is my hair. Lol I have to admit it is hard to take a complement, anytime my husband gives me one I ask what did you do? Lol I always think ok he did something and he is trying to butter me up. :s
I have a great smile, and have been told that I have a posh American accent. xo
Oooh I’m intrigued by the posh American accent! Can you give us a recording? ???? You DO have a lovely smile–thank you for sharing!
I am the number 3 type as well. And yes, my sister in law is very confident in herself. But she got that way because she was ridiculed in high school. At some point, she just decided to take control of her style and own it. She is the most confident person I know. And not drop dead gorgeous, but plays the part… so in essence, she becomes drop dead gorgeous.
Hair and nose. I can do anything to my hair, and it will always rebound. My brother tells me that my nose is what people would ask for at a plastic surgeon:) Sometimes brothers can be nice!
I’d have to say my eyes. People have asked many times if I wear colour contacts because they are so blue. And they contrast nicely with my dark hair. Phew. That said, I am REALLY terrible at accepting compliments. Even from my husband. ???? Working on that!
Good for you for sharing! My sister in law has the most amazing blue eyes too. I am so intrigued by them. Be proud! Enjoy! And thank you so much for sharing ????
Oh dear… you nailed this one! Arg. I can look really cute in jeans when I actually wear them. And when my hair is down, it’s pretty. (Negative mind chatter currently defeating this entire purpose…ugh) My spirit is encouraging and the goofball that I am makes people laugh a lot. I like that. Laughter-good. Smiles- good. Light- good. ????
I’ve got really cute feet and hands that I need to spend more attention on. And yes, taking compliments is very hard. Not sure why…something to consider in my self-awareness.
It’s hard for all of us. I think we’re taught to have ridiculously high expectations of ourselves and never match up. Its a pleasant exercise to focus on what we are proud of!
[…] are we talking about this? Well, last week we had a wonderful discussion about how we talk about our personal appearance. Turns out, most of us have a bit of a problem when it comes to saying something nice about […]
I honestly am not sure. Sometimes I like my hair but it is frizzy more often than not, and sometimes I like my eyes but not always because if the rest of my face. I’ve been sitting here struggling to respond to this. I’ve gotten very few compliments through my life to help me on this. Wondering if that says something about me or the people around me (of course it’s instilled in me to think its me, not them). This is leaving me quite frustrated.
I like the idea of this series and will be interested in seeing what else gets posted. I am thankful for good hair that is super easy to take care of and look nice because I am LAZY about doing anything with it. I’ve also been told that I have pretty eyes – I like that they are golden brown. And no one else has said it yet, and I feel a bit embarrassed to say it – but I like my décolletage. ????
I absolutely love this post! Yes, I am often insecure and take compliments very lightly, mostly because I never felt pretty growing up and i always feel rude because of the way I respond but it’s my own insecurity. Although, as I’ve entered “adult hood” I really tried to embrace my twiggy body. I will admit that my skin is quite ravishing ???? Now to get dolled up with my growing baby bump and feeling lazy all the time, that’s become another obstacle.
Thank you! You are certainly not alone in feeling insecure. We’ve all got our share of it–but how refreshing it would be if we would collectively celebrate our strengths.
I have just read all these posts and feel the same as many of these women. I am definitely #3 and have the hardest time with compliments. I would have to say that one thing I do love about myself is my long midsection (torso I guess you could call it)…I also like my legs (short as they are they are still muscular and that makes me proud).
Love your blog and this topic is fantastic!
Pretty feet. That one made me laugh out loud, Hillary. It was certainly not a feature that has ever come to mind for me, although I am sure there are many women whose amazing shoes pale in comparison to their adorable tootie toes. ;-p
As someone who definitely does NOT have pretty feet I am always in awe of those who possess them. My husband actually has beautiful feet; well, he has his mom’s feet and hers are like model feet.They are so wasted on him! But, maybe my daughter will have them too. She certainly doesn’t have mine and I am very thankful for that.
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I’m gonna have to go with my wrists. ???? It is a long standing joke between my husband and I that through the ups and downs of my “figure” after 5 children, I am left with this tight tiny little wrists! ????