The other day we were flipping through channels and happened upon a Jersey-oriented reality show. I don’t know what they call it these days as there are now so many spinoffs revolving around Snooki, The Situation, and a host of other tan, blinged-out, obnoxious individuals from Jersey. This particular one featured a pregnant Snooki looking sideways at a computer screen, viewing her not-yet-Jersified baby in utero.
Like it or not, there are certain things your body and baby will and will not allow you to do. I’m talking essentials. Like peeing and eating and throwing up. You know, the important stuff.
And while it might not relate to Snooki in the least, I’m going to share some of those things with you right here. Because maybe you’re a new mom, an old mom, or wanting to be a mom. You’ll get this.
2. I breastfed and I bottle fed Coco. Simultaneously. Oh snap! Some might say that’s living on the edge. And then with Chaucer I exclusively breastfed for six months and switched to formula cold turkey. I had to, you see, because I had two hand surgeries back to back and couldn’t hold him to nurse. I felt a lot of guilt over that, but you know what? He’s fine and I’m fine.
3. I failed at baby sign language. I tried and tried my darndest to get Coco to sign the freaking “please” and “more” and “thank you.” The little turd just wouldn’t do it, and I realize now that I probably went about it all wrong. I skipped it altogether with Chaucer and guess what? He’s fine. In fact, he’s been talking in full sentences for months now and he’s not even two. Take that, baby signing.
4. I royally screwed up “scheduling” my children. I tried but it turns out I’m really not that much of a hard ass. This is probably why I had such chubby babies–they ate when they wanted to and they thoroughly enjoyed it.
5. I co-slept and then I didn’t co-sleep. Coco enjoyed sleeping between us for pretty much her first year of life. To this day she wanders into our bedroom between the hours of 3 am and 6 am and shoves Matt and I to either side of the bed while she enjoys the perfect amount of “middle” ground. And you know what? I’m always too tired to care. I figure it will resolve itself eventually. Or I’ll just buy myself another bed.
6. I didn’t make my own baby food, and then I made it, and then I didn’t make it again.
7. I bought my child some Crocs. This was my own personal rule that I broke.
8. I had *gasp* caffeine during pregnancy and breastfeeding. With Coco I gave it up for the first trimester and slowly incorporated it back in. With Chaucer, I didn’t even try to give it up. I was a student, a teacher, the mother of a toddler. Ain’t no way I was giving that up. Guess what? I had perfectly sized babies and neither one of them had trouble sleeping.
9. I’ve never used a cloth diaper. And this is no rule of mine anyways, but I thought I’d just throw that out there.
10. I’ve used regular shampoo on them. Sometimes they just sleep in oversized teeshirts. They’ve had sips of soda. Sometimes they eat candy. I let them watch Disney channel and play with my iPhone. They say “butt” and “fart” and laugh at both words. They rock out to Modest Mouse, The Killers, and Florence and the Machine. They eat dirt but not their boogers (yet). Sometimes they stay up really late to visit with family. They don’t always take their naps. Sometimes I pick up their toys just so we don’t have to sing the “Clean Up” song. I’ll let them fight it out from to time. They’re dirty more than they’re clean…
The list goes on and on and on. I’ve broken many of my own rules as a parent. Ultimately, I’ve had to let go of control more times than not. I pray a lot and hope to God that I am doing my job right, but I screw up a lot too. I shudder to think about rules applied to my future teenagers. That’s a ball game I just don’t even want to play, but I suppose it’s unavoidable.
Snooki, good luck to you. You’ve certainly had your share of rule breaking. Who am I to say whether you’ll be a good mom or not? Apparently I’m quite the rule breaker myself.
What about you? What rules have you made for yourself and then broken? Do you still feel guilty for it?