Ten Things That Make Me BlushApr 18th

Folks that know me in real life think of me as pretty up-front. I suppose I’m upfront on this here blog as well. But there are things I don’t share {oooh, what are they?? What could she possibly mean?}

Yes, I have secrets. Things I keep in the inner-most circle of trust as Jack from Meet The Parents would say to Gaylord Focker. That name still gets me. Hyuck.

Fortunately, for you all, I have no problem with spilling the beans on my own personal awkward foibles. Indeed, sometimes the social diarrhea is the best dish.

Today is not for the faint of heart. I feel I owe you something bona fide and true after my week of mostly silence in all social media. Not that anyone was pounding on the mercurial wall that separates this chevron-striped blog from you behind the screen. I didn’t hear any knocking, anyway.

Enough rattling. I saw on MamaKat’s Weekly Writer’s Workshop the most perfectest prompt for meself. Ladies, and ladies (and the four guys who read this), it’s time to bring out some good old-fashioned awkwardness.

Mama’s Losin’ It
{If this offends you in any way, I am sorry, but I cannot change it. You see, this is a part of me and hopefully I’ll mature one day and grow out of such foolishness, but for now let me entertain the masses.}


1.)  Anytime the word “penis” is used.

2.) Buying supplies for the monthly curse. It’s really the bar of chocolate at the tail end that brings the rose to my cheeks. Such a cliche.

3.) Seeing really, truly,hairy armpits on women. I realize that not everyone shaves, and so be it.

But…it’s just SO MUCH! I for one do not want to know that my underarms could behave so repugnantly if given the chance to end all landscaping services.

4.) Waving back at someone who wasn’t really waving at me. This is also just categorized as “awkward moment,” but as you can see there is a great overlap in blush-worthy and awkward.

5.) Having a credit card declined. Sometimes, you’re just flat out of money but you didn’t know. Geez, that sucks. Sometimes, something has gone wrong with the card, but no one will believe you. You still look like you’re just flat out of money.

6.) Talking about moles and having them removed. First of all, I hate the word “mole,” and secondly, gross! I know they can be cancerous little brutes, but yuck yuck yuck. I just imagine them shaving it off, and then saving that nasty brown thing in a creepy little vile. Maybe a hair or two sprouting out of it.

For whatever reason, I would prefer we discuss yeast infections to moles, k? Just tuck that away for future reference.

7.) Falling in front of people. That’s no fun.

8.) Having to call someone by their first name… when their first name is Dick.

9.) Hearing anyone’s parents say the word “conceive.” Please, don’t. Just. Don’t.

10.) Catching someone you know pick their nose. Again, don’t.

***

Welp. I could probably keep going but I’m sure I would just bulldoze over even more social etiquette. So I’ll stop.

What makes you blush? Am I alone in all of these? Surely you hate it when people say “penis,” right?

 

34 Responses to Ten Things That Make Me BlushApr 18th

  1. Caitlin April 18, 2013 at 8:26 am #

    haha hilarious! add moist to the list words…. {i’m cringing in my seat}

    • hillary April 18, 2013 at 10:22 am #

      I know! Moist is the worstest!

  2. Barry April 18, 2013 at 9:13 am #

    Those add on sentences at the end of point 6.

    • hillary April 18, 2013 at 10:22 am #

      Were you just cringing in your seat, Barry?

  3. Sue - The Spin Cycle April 18, 2013 at 11:18 am #

    One of my college sorority sisters was named Carrie Seaman.

    Please stop smirking.

    And her dad’s name?

    Give you one guess, Hillary…

    Mmmm hmmmm.

    Richard.

    And of *course* he went by Dick.

    Had his own business: Dick Seaman Enterprises. You just can’t make this stuff up, girlfriend.

    • hillary April 19, 2013 at 5:51 am #

      You HAVE to be joking. Serious?? oh. mah. lawd. Where do I get an old business t-shirt?

  4. Eli@coachdaddy April 18, 2013 at 12:19 pm #

    Using the words “penis” and “yeast infection” in the same blog make ME cringe …

    • hillary April 19, 2013 at 5:50 am #

      I did give fair warning…;)

  5. hollow tree ventures April 18, 2013 at 12:47 pm #

    No one EVER believes you about the card, do they? Great list!

    • hillary April 19, 2013 at 5:51 am #

      Never, ever.

  6. kelley April 18, 2013 at 1:44 pm #

    you were brave :)

    • hillary April 19, 2013 at 5:51 am #

      Thanks. I know 😉

  7. Paula Kiger April 18, 2013 at 6:01 pm #

    This made me laugh! Social diarrhea – yep there’s an epidemic! I didn’t do this prompt, not because I don’t blush easily but – too lazy to come up w/ten different things! You did great!

    • hillary April 19, 2013 at 5:52 am #

      Thanks! I know, I guess I don’t blush too easy but these get me every time.

  8. Blond Duck April 18, 2013 at 6:13 pm #

    Popped in from Mama Kat’s workshop! I cringe when people start talking about their bodily issues. For example, my sister and her girlfriend were talking about tampons and I visibly started to twist into myself….I can’t deal!

    • hillary April 19, 2013 at 5:52 am #

      Oh girl. Have you had kids yet? I forgot to include all the awkward blush-worthy moments during pregnancy and labor…

  9. Chris Carter April 18, 2013 at 8:26 pm #

    Oh you are just so cute!! Falling is definitely a blusher!! HA! Okay- so I had to read devotionals to record for our website during Lent… and every time I came to a certain bible verse that sounded like penis, I started laughing nervously and couldn’t stop!! We kept recording over and over and I just couldn’t get control of myself!!! The audio guy just gave up and said “I’m going home now”. I was all like “Wait!! Wait!! I can do this!! I can!” But I just couldn’t. 😉 I wish I could remember the verse- I know it was Paul and there was something like “pricked my pride” in it. Oh I felt so awful!!

    • hillary April 19, 2013 at 5:53 am #

      Chris, you have the funniest stories! I’m dying over here!! I’m gonna be scavenging for that verse :)

  10. Miriam Gomberg April 18, 2013 at 9:34 pm #

    Penis, penis penis… Nope. Not blushing. I rarely if ever blush but waving at someone who is waving at someone else will do the trick. Also when someone has a Bluetooth in her ear that is covered with hair and I think she is talking to me and when I answer, she points at her ear like I should’ve known. yep. That will make me turn pink too. Hmm. Great post. M

    • hillary April 19, 2013 at 5:54 am #

      Yah those are just flat out awkward moments, huh? Hate those situations!

  11. Kat April 18, 2013 at 9:35 pm #

    Oh my gosh I’m going through this issue with my oldest about a “removal” she needs to have and I drafted a blog post, but cannot bring myself to type that freaking M word. I try so hard to avoid it, and when the words “lesion” and “growth” just weren’t cutting it I decided to scrap the whole post….because I cannot have a blog post published where I use the M word. Period. SO with you!

    • hillary April 19, 2013 at 5:54 am #

      I’m so glad I am not alone in it. People throw it around like a pleasantry where I am and I cringe every time. I’m looking forward to your post!

  12. Kellie B. April 19, 2013 at 7:43 am #

    Yup, penis does it for me too. I much prefer the more vulgar terms for that particular appendage. Things that make me blush: when I first started my current job, I bent down to tie my shoe in the hallway and inadvertently flashed four of my new coworkers because my sweater was a cowl neck and I didn’t realize how low it fell when I bent down. YIKES!! I’m still here five years later so I guess it wasn’t all that bad but man, I just wanted to melt into the floor.

  13. Angela Gilmore April 19, 2013 at 8:50 am #

    I have two older brothers and we all used to play the ‘penis’ game whenever we were in public. I realize I need to explain this fast before anyone gets any crazy ideas. One person would start by saying ‘penis’ as softly as they could and the next person would say it a little louder. The one who refused to say it, because they would be screaming at the top of their lungs, lost. I’m pretty sure I lost that game a lot, but it at least desensitized me to the word.
    The credit card thing definitely makes me blush. And complements, always, make me blush.

  14. Donetta April 19, 2013 at 3:08 pm #

    This is great. I am 36 years old and still blush in a check out line while purchasing items for ‘the monthly curse’ depending on who the clerk is. Silly, I know. Still, it makes a difference to me if it’s a elderly woman type or a young man barely out of high school. Too funny, you’d rather discuss yeast infections than the M word. I don’t like to talk about those either. Thank goodness I have ‘freckles’ on different parts of my body. They don’t classify as the M word. lol. Loved reading this.

  15. tammigirl April 19, 2013 at 5:15 pm #

    I get pretty embarassed when I call someone by the wrong name. Repeatedly. Which I did for months in our new neighborhood last summer. I kept calling this guy “Tony.” And, really, my dog is named Tony. I don’t know how I got Tony from “Scott”. Dangit, his name is Scott. And I must have called him Tony to his face, and to everyone else’s face for at least two months. This may be why I am such a social recluse. I’m great fun, but I’m utterly useless for things like remembering names.

  16. Kelly April 19, 2013 at 5:57 pm #

    Number 5. Oh goodness.

    Except it usually happens to me because I forgot to pay my bill, so it really is my fault…

  17. madamdreamweaver April 19, 2013 at 6:52 pm #

    cute list. Waving when I’m not the one being waved at embarasses me, too.

  18. Paperbirdey April 20, 2013 at 9:10 pm #

    OMG! I SO needed this! I don’t think I’ve laughed in a long time…..like genuinely laughed, but I am sitting on the couch at midnight, by myself, laughing so hard that I’m spilling tears….and it felt so good! I ran across your “dating your kids” blogs from Pinterest and have been reading on your site for a while tonight and thoroughly enjoying every minute of it.

    THANK YOU! I battle serious depression and I really needed this laugh. It’s actually leaving me with a smile…..wow, I’m smiling! A REAL smile!

    ….again, thanks, in the most sincere way…..keep up your blog musings,……I’m rather enjoying them……..

    Oh, can so relate to number 2……why is there only a teenage boy available at the checkout when I need to get any such personal items? Then I’m embarrassed at myself for BEING embarrassed! …….and number 3…..when encountered, why can I NOT stop looking? I mean, I even make it obvious that I’m looking so intently, that I embarrass myself….geez…..that one really got me rolling on the couch and unable to even read further!

    The ultimate, though, is definitely number 8…… I have two neighbors, one next to me and one across from me, that even after 11 years of living here, I still avoid having to call out to them…..being that both of their names is Dick. Do they ever think of this? I just can’t get over it, no matter how old I get (shouldn’t I be able to overcome this at 41?)!

    ….anyhoooo……a pure pleasure of a read, my dear……again, and for the umpteenth time, thank you!

    • hillary April 20, 2013 at 9:45 pm #

      Um, so you just made my day! I am so glad it gave you a good laugh and a smile! I’ve battled depression too, and a good laugh does the body good. I think just the act of smiling when depressed helps. So keep on smiling. I’ll try to keep you laughing :)

  19. Aleta April 21, 2013 at 8:07 am #

    I don’t know about making me blush, but a lot of those things would gross me out. Lol.

  20. Julia April 21, 2013 at 9:39 am #

    You know what makes me blush lately? When those Herbal Essences hair commercials come on, where the girl washing her hair sounds like she is having the “Big O.” It comes on with my kids and husband in the room, and I think “really?? Do they have to make commercials like this?”

    • Kristina April 24, 2013 at 8:29 am #

      OMG – me too! So inappropriate :)

  21. Kristina April 24, 2013 at 8:29 am #

    “I’m on the rag”

    That is so unbelievably cringe worthy. NEVER, EVER use that phrase! Time of the month or Aunt Flo are great substitues.

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