How Embarrassing

By |

Folks that know me in real life think of me as pretty up-front. I suppose I’m upfront on this here blog as well. But there are things I don’t share {oooh, what are they?? What could she possibly mean?}

Yes, I have secrets. Things I keep in the inner-most circle of trust as Jack from Meet The Parents would say to Gaylord Focker. That name still gets me. Hyuck.

Fortunately, for you all, I have no problem with spilling the beans on my own personal awkward foibles. Indeed, sometimes the social diarrhea is the best dish.

Today is not for the faint of heart. I feel I owe you something bona fide and true after my week of mostly silence in all social media. Not that anyone was pounding on the mercurial wall that separates this chevron-striped blog from you behind the screen. I didn’t hear any knocking, anyway.

Enough rattling. I saw on MamaKat’s Weekly Writer’s Workshop the most perfectest prompt for meself. Ladies, and ladies (and the four guys who read this), it’s time to bring out some good old-fashioned awkwardness.

Mama’s Losin’ It

{If this offends you in any way, I am sorry, but I cannot change it. You see, this is a part of me and hopefully I’ll mature one day and grow out of such foolishness, but for now let me entertain the masses.}


1.)  Anytime the word “penis” is used.

2.) Buying supplies for the monthly curse. It’s really the bar of chocolate at the tail end that brings the rose to my cheeks. Such a cliche.

3.) Seeing really, truly,hairy armpits on women. I realize that not everyone shaves, and so be it.

But…it’s just SO MUCH! I for one do not want to know that my underarms could behave so repugnantly if given the chance to end all landscaping services.

4.) Waving back at someone who wasn’t really waving at me. This is also just categorized as “awkward moment,” but as you can see there is a great overlap in blush-worthy and awkward.

5.) Having a credit card declined. Sometimes, you’re just flat out of money but you didn’t know. Geez, that sucks. Sometimes, something has gone wrong with the card, but no one will believe you. You still look like you’re just flat out of money.

6.) Talking about moles and having them removed. First of all, I hate the word “mole,” and secondly, gross! I know they can be cancerous little brutes, but yuck yuck yuck. I just imagine them shaving it off, and then saving that nasty brown thing in a creepy little vile. Maybe a hair or two sprouting out of it.

For whatever reason, I would prefer we discuss yeast infections to moles, k? Just tuck that away for future reference.

7.) Falling in front of people. That’s no fun.

8.) Having to call someone by their first name… when their first name is Dick.

9.) Hearing anyone’s parents say the word “conceive.” Please, don’t. Just. Don’t.

10.) Catching someone you know pick their nose. Again, don’t.

***

Welp. I could probably keep going but I’m sure I would just bulldoze over even more social etiquette. So I’ll stop.

What makes you blush? Am I alone in all of these? Surely you hate it when people say “penis,” right?

 

34 thoughts on “How Embarrassing

  1. madamdreamweaver

    cute list. Waving when I’m not the one being waved at embarasses me, too.

    Reply
  2. Paperbirdey

    OMG! I SO needed this! I don’t think I’ve laughed in a long time…..like genuinely laughed, but I am sitting on the couch at midnight, by myself, laughing so hard that I’m spilling tears….and it felt so good! I ran across your “dating your kids” blogs from Pinterest and have been reading on your site for a while tonight and thoroughly enjoying every minute of it.

    Reply
    1. hillary

      Um, so you just made my day! I am so glad it gave you a good laugh and a smile! I’ve battled depression too, and a good laugh does the body good. I think just the act of smiling when depressed helps. So keep on smiling. I’ll try to keep you laughing ????

      Reply
  3. Julia

    You know what makes me blush lately? When those Herbal Essences hair commercials come on, where the girl washing her hair sounds like she is having the “Big O.” It comes on with my kids and husband in the room, and I think “really?? Do they have to make commercials like this?”

    Reply
  4. Kat

    Oh my gosh I’m going through this issue with my oldest about a “removal” she needs to have and I drafted a blog post, but cannot bring myself to type that freaking M word. I try so hard to avoid it, and when the words “lesion” and “growth” just weren’t cutting it I decided to scrap the whole post….because I cannot have a blog post published where I use the M word. Period. SO with you!

    Reply
    1. hillary

      I’m so glad I am not alone in it. People throw it around like a pleasantry where I am and I cringe every time. I’m looking forward to your post!

      Reply
  5. Sue - The Spin Cycle

    One of my college sorority sisters was named Carrie Seaman.

    Reply
    1. hillary

      You HAVE to be joking. Serious?? oh. mah. lawd. Where do I get an old business t-shirt?

      Reply
  6. Kellie B.

    Yup, penis does it for me too. I much prefer the more vulgar terms for that particular appendage. Things that make me blush: when I first started my current job, I bent down to tie my shoe in the hallway and inadvertently flashed four of my new coworkers because my sweater was a cowl neck and I didn’t realize how low it fell when I bent down. YIKES!! I’m still here five years later so I guess it wasn’t all that bad but man, I just wanted to melt into the floor.

    Reply
  7. Miriam Gomberg

    Penis, penis penis… Nope. Not blushing. I rarely if ever blush but waving at someone who is waving at someone else will do the trick. Also when someone has a Bluetooth in her ear that is covered with hair and I think she is talking to me and when I answer, she points at her ear like I should’ve known. yep. That will make me turn pink too. Hmm. Great post. M

    Reply
    1. hillary

      Yah those are just flat out awkward moments, huh? Hate those situations!

      Reply
  8. Aleta

    I don’t know about making me blush, but a lot of those things would gross me out. Lol.

    Reply
  9. Caitlin

    haha hilarious! add moist to the list words…. {i’m cringing in my seat}

    Reply
  10. tammigirl

    I get pretty embarassed when I call someone by the wrong name. Repeatedly. Which I did for months in our new neighborhood last summer. I kept calling this guy “Tony.” And, really, my dog is named Tony. I don’t know how I got Tony from “Scott”. Dangit, his name is Scott. And I must have called him Tony to his face, and to everyone else’s face for at least two months. This may be why I am such a social recluse. I’m great fun, but I’m utterly useless for things like remembering names.

    Reply
  11. Paula Kiger

    This made me laugh! Social diarrhea – yep there’s an epidemic! I didn’t do this prompt, not because I don’t blush easily but – too lazy to come up w/ten different things! You did great!

    Reply
    1. hillary

      Thanks! I know, I guess I don’t blush too easy but these get me every time.

      Reply
  12. Angela Gilmore

    I have two older brothers and we all used to play the ‘penis’ game whenever we were in public. I realize I need to explain this fast before anyone gets any crazy ideas. One person would start by saying ‘penis’ as softly as they could and the next person would say it a little louder. The one who refused to say it, because they would be screaming at the top of their lungs, lost. I’m pretty sure I lost that game a lot, but it at least desensitized me to the word.

    The credit card thing definitely makes me blush. And complements, always, make me blush.

    Reply
  13. hollow tree ventures

    No one EVER believes you about the card, do they? Great list!

    Reply
  14. Donetta

    This is great. I am 36 years old and still blush in a check out line while purchasing items for ‘the monthly curse’ depending on who the clerk is. Silly, I know. Still, it makes a difference to me if it’s a elderly woman type or a young man barely out of high school. Too funny, you’d rather discuss yeast infections than the M word. I don’t like to talk about those either. Thank goodness I have ‘freckles’ on different parts of my body. They don’t classify as the M word. lol. Loved reading this.

    Reply
  15. Chris Carter

    Oh you are just so cute!! Falling is definitely a blusher!! HA! Okay- so I had to read devotionals to record for our website during Lent… and every time I came to a certain bible verse that sounded like penis, I started laughing nervously and couldn’t stop!! We kept recording over and over and I just couldn’t get control of myself!!! The audio guy just gave up and said “I’m going home now”. I was all like “Wait!! Wait!! I can do this!! I can!” But I just couldn’t. ???? I wish I could remember the verse- I know it was Paul and there was something like “pricked my pride” in it. Oh I felt so awful!!

    Reply
    1. hillary

      Chris, you have the funniest stories! I’m dying over here!! I’m gonna be scavenging for that verse ????

      Reply
  16. Blond Duck

    Popped in from Mama Kat’s workshop! I cringe when people start talking about their bodily issues. For example, my sister and her girlfriend were talking about tampons and I visibly started to twist into myself….I can’t deal!

    Reply
    1. hillary

      Oh girl. Have you had kids yet? I forgot to include all the awkward blush-worthy moments during pregnancy and labor…

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *